The following are from a show called "The Trailer Park Boys" which I've been watching a lot lately
Hilarious mockumentary show.
Ricky: What's going on, J-Roc?
J-Roc: Not much, Ricky, I'm just fuckin' off like you told me to!
Bubbles: Do you wanna see a rocket go, Randy?
Randy: Wow does it really launch, Bubbles?
Bubbles: Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock!?
Ricky: One man's garbage is another man's good ungarbage.
Julian: Ricky, I'm telling you, you gotta stop growing pot.
Ricky: Come on, man, you can't tell me to do that.
Julian: I'm serious Ricky.
Ricky: You can't tell me to do that. It's like telling the NWA to stop being black.
Randy: ...I want my barbeque.
Ricky: You know what Randy, you're totally right and you know what I'm gonna do for ya?
Randy: What?
Ricky: Jack Shit.
Ricky: Bubbles give me the cat back.
Bubbles: Go fuck yourself.
Sara: Ricky, can you tell me why there's a mountain lion trying to bang one of my boyfriends?
Bubbles: Well, that's a little harsh. He's not a punk. He might be a bit of a fuckin' goof, but he's not a punk.
Cory: J-Roc raps about gangsters & guns, pimps & hos and Compton. The guy's not from Compton. He's a white kid from a trailer park. He should rap about what he really knows which is living in his mom's trailer eating peanut butter sandwiches.
Randy: You guys want anything from the store?
Ricky: Yeah get me some jalapano chips
[
he pronounces it JA-lap-ano]
Bubbles: Yeah get me some fucking gummy worms
Julian: Get me some jalapeno chips
[
pronounces it the correct way]
Randy: walks away
Ricky: Jalapeno? what flavor is that?
Julian: Ricky the J is silent
Bubbles: The J is like an H Ricky, Hal-a-peen-yo
Ricky: What the fuck are you guys talking about?
Julian: Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet. Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.
Ricky: I gotta kill this fuckin puppet, Julian.
Mr. Lahey: Randy just doesn't understand. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don't want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint. And then he turned into a shit-bonfire and then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb i'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that'll engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit-flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shit-waves.
J-Roc: Can't we talk? You're acting awful hard Randy.
Randy: Well sometimes life is hard, J-Roc.
J-Roc: Randy, sometimes, you're fat. You don't hear me talk about that, do you?
[
Pointing to baby-mamas]
J-Roc: Look down dawg, nawmsayin'? Ya understand? Seems to me, like you should be able to understand and be sympathetic to what it's like to be pregnant, dawg.
Randy: What are you talking about, J-Roc?
J-Roc: Oh what, you a'int pregnant with a bucket of chicken?
[
Addressing unborn child]
J-Roc: Hey, lemme tell you somethin' little mafucker. When you grow up, don't grow up to be like that mafucker right there!
[
Pointing to Randy]
J-Roc: Randy, you a'int even had your ultrasound yet, have you dawg? I could do you right now.
[
Uses bling like a stethoscope]
J-Roc: I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and removed rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, motherfucker. C'mon ladies, let's pack this shit up. That's whack, Randy. Go on with your wallet. AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, HAIRY BITCH!
