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FrozenGate by Avery

My wife left me

Polonium210

Polonium210

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Joined
Nov 8, 2011
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My wife left me back in the beginning of September and now I'm stuck in a depression. I don't know what to do with myself, I have lost all interest in my hobbies that I one was so passionate about. I am just getting back to work and it is a struggle to get myself out of bed every day. It seemed to end so suddenly and I don't know what went so wrong.

Is anyone here old enough and may have been through this before that may have some advice to give on how to deal with such a horrible thing like divorce?
 





That sucks man :( Learning to be alone for the first time in a long time can be pretty lonely and depressing. Being part of a couple becomes a way of life, and adjusting to the newness of being alone can be rough.

Just take it one day at a time, separation takes a while to overcome, but you will get there. You can also look up local support groups for people who are suddenly separate, talking about it and having someone to listen to you helps.
 
Polonium210 said:
My wife left me back in the beginning of September and now I'm stuck in a depression. I don't know what to do with myself, I have lost all interest in my hobbies that I one was so passionate about. I am just getting back to work and it is a struggle to get myself out of bed every day. It seemed to end so suddenly and I don't know what went so wrong.

Is anyone here old enough and may have been through this before that may have some advice to give on how to deal with such a horrible thing like divorce?
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about this. Hope for you from South Korea

My situation of living isn't much better at the moment either (nothing to do with my wife either) . Getting close to the breaking point as well. Problem is I am overseas while this is happening.
 
You creating this thread is done as a form of relief, people feel better about issues when they can discuss them with people. Keep doing it, talk to family and friends, and as ARG said take it day by day at a time. Give yourself something to look forward to, like work on building a laser over a while, or design some electronics, go out and spend more time with friends and family and you'll slowly get over it.
 
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Some good advice above.....

Sorry to hear you see things so gloomy... We really
have no control over other beings..

The main pain comes from the unexpected and unwanted
routine change...

I'm sure you have some friends that you have made
in the past that live close by. Call them and go out
and meet new people (Yeah... I mean meet other
women).

I've been there many times... been married twice.
I now see each encounter with the opposite sex a
new and exciting adventure.
It may last for years or it may last for only days
but the end is always inevitable in our society these
days.

I have never been more stressless and content to
get up in the morning and go to work since I live
alone.

That does not mean I have no women in my life...
Far from it... and I'm not locked down to just one...:eg:
They just don't live here "permanently"...

Go out with friends... they will help you change
your outlook on life.


Jerry

You can contact us at any time on our Website: J.BAUER Electronics
 
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While I have not gone through this myself, I can offer some general advice for dealing with loss. Most of it has already been mentioned.

1) You are not alone. Half of marriages do not last. Hundreds of millions have had to deal with this extraordinary blow, and most have gone on to become happy again, many eventually finding someone else - in many cases someone more compatible. Who can say they got it all right the first time they tried something?

2) Do not rush it. It will take time to heal, and there will be times where you think you are finally over it, where all the pain suddenly comes rushing back. It may not ever entirely disappear, but this is also an opportunity to use it as guidance for becoming even happier than you were before.

3) Keep yourself occupied and in good company. See more of family and friends and realise how much good is still in your life. Set goals for yourself, both so you have something to look forward to, and so you progress and move on.

4) While keeping yourself occupied, also take times to reflect over your life before. Be honest to yourself. What were the times at which you were most happy? What issues and annoyances have you been ignoring because of love and loss? It will be painful, but you do have to face it all before you can truly move on.

5) The only way to truly fail is to lose yourself to self-pity and self-loathing. It may even be tempting to fail, but there are so many great moments to look forward to and you probably have a huge part of your life still ahead of you. You have likely only been married for a few years, which means that in a few years you may be somewhere entirely different once again.
 
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All of this advice is great stuff, for anyone feeling depressed.

I will simply add a truism : You must have change to grow.
Perhaps this is an opportunity in disguise. Maybe you can now focus on some of the things you haven't been able to do because of family obligations.
when one door closes another usually opens. Take a peek through it !
 
Get up and get out! Don't let yourself wallow in misery. Find stuff to do outside the home (Home reminds you of what you're going thu and if you've got pics up they can hurt ALOT. You need to get out and breath again. Do something. Go places (especially with friends). Get involved. You need to change up your routine.
Most of the "normal" daily things you did will remind you of your loss. I would suggest things that involve activity and not something like going to the movies. Activity is much more involving. When your down, do things for others.
Fight this depression! Make a decision that IT WILL NOT WIN!
Hope this helps my friend.
Pete
 
I hope all would be ok. That was a very stressful event.
 
I feel very sorry for you bro, Although i havent been married yet (and i suppose i wont be marrying anyways) lol.. Just keep yourself occupied, find some things to do that you ever wanted.. This is a very hard moment i get it but todays world is even worse.. Atleast you may have some good and some bad years with your wife, i know my closest friend.. lost his wife too , in childbirth (Does that suck, ? Right).., and even when everything seems to be right, still the couple fell apart aswell..
Everything you try to build up eventually breaks down at the end so donot get wallowed by it but accept it, Act like a man, Be strong and have faith.. Good days may come back but not by holding back , but moving forward..

My Sincerest wishes to your well being and health!
 
Hang in there. Try to keep busy. It feels worse than it actually is for a while, it takes time. Stick close to friends and family. It's not your fault, stuff happens and you deal and you learn.
 
Hi there,

Sorry to hear about where you're at. I can relate, as I'm very much in the same place (or was, until recently). I do have one piece of advice for you (which is what I did): Find a good psychiatrist, ASAP. All of the other advice here is great, and absolutely legit, however sometimes it's just not enough to get you out of the horrible place you've found yourself in. I get that.

The older I get (and the more times I go through this, as it's been more than once), I'm convinced that some people have a harder time getting through this than others. Just call it a brain thing, but it is what it is. The other thing I've learned is that while you will definitely be sad, you don't have to suffer with depression, and there is a *difference* between the two. Sadness is infinitely easier to deal with than despair. (And I'm talking about wanting-to-put-the-shotgun-in-your-mouth despair, which is where I was at, regardless of whatever else I tried to do to help myself.)

If you can't function, and have lost your passion for stuff, THERE IS HELP for you out there, mainly in the form of powerful antipsychotic medications. But THEY WORK, or at least did for me, once I found the right ones (which is what a good doc will help you with). I'm back to the point where I can function again, and am just burying myself in my work and hobbies (just built my first laser, a 1.5W 445 Guidesman, with help from several folks here!), and I'm no longer watching the rest of my life fall apart because I don't want to get out of bed (or do much of anything, for that matter).

Seriously, meds can help. Find a good doc. (And get back to the point where you can at least enjoy building lasers again!) I feel for you, bro. Hang in there.

-Andy
 
Like I said all wounds take time to heal and you will get through it.

I would not recommend meds. Thats just another thing that will need to leave your life, eventually.
 
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