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FrozenGate by Avery

Jokes thread!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. S
ince it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.



Peace,
dave
 
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How could she know that it was him?

Rule #2 – Double Tap
before he might turn into a Zombie.
 
Damnit ARG... that's just evil man... evil... but I suppose better nate than lever.

1003955_621499574537724_1231284070_n.jpg
 
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.


The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.

He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?”


The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”
 
So I was at the gun store today and a guy says he knows why women are crazy. Said the first time he ever smelled that thing it made him crazy, and women have been having to smell it all there lives, so that's why they are crazy.
 
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
 
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.
 
A man went to see his Rabbi. He stated in a very serious tone, ""Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked, "How can that be?"

The man then pleaded, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then said, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man and said, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously replied, "Yes."

"Take the poison," said the Rabbi.

:)

~ LB
 
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.
 
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What's wrong with the Monkees?

The-Monkees.jpg


~ LB
 
I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!'

I thought, "That's just spam."
 
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