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FrozenGate by Avery

Jokes thread!

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Some swearies , but we're all adults :)


Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.

My new girlfriend wouldn't sleep with me and told me "patience is the key"...... Maybe so, but Rohypnol is the lock-pick.

I thought Tweets were what Jonathon Ross gave his dog.

What's the difference between David Haye and my trousers? My trousers have a belt.

I'm not saying I've got a big cock but when I get a hard-on I haven't got enough skin left to close my eyes

I went into KFC and asked for a combo. The guy behind the counter gave me two jabs and an uppercut.

Got a letter in the post today. it said DO NOT BEND. I thought, 'how the hell am i supposed to pick it up?'

My gf's breath is so bad, i look forward to her farts!

I got my Heavy Goods Licence today. or as my missus prefers to call it, a Marriage Certificate.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...I cant put it down!

My missus said, "I wish, I could have bigger breasts". I replied, Try pushing them into the sofa and keep them there all day!" "Will that help?" She asks. "Well it's worked for your fucking arse," I said....

Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.

I went to Currys, They didn't do curry. I went to Selfridges, they didn't sell fridges. And believe me, the Virgin Megastore was a huge disappointment

My sister had a baby boy and she's gonna name him Mark, with a "C". Cark?? stupid name if you ask me.

I met a gorgeous girl in a nightclub last night...there was instant chemistry between us.... Specifically, Rohypnol and Chloroform.

Note to self : Remove dog before stabbing box to make air-holes.

I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."
 
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