I would advise against sanding the tips of your soldering irons. The tip is typically copper with an iron plating, and you don't want to sand through the iron. It acts as a barrier between the copper and the solder, because the solder would slowly dissolve the copper if in direct contact.
This page has lots of good information on successful soldering, and if you scroll down a bit there are diagrams showing typical tip construction. Further down they do mention using emery cloth to clean excessively oxidized tips, but I'd still not recommend it. They do mention not to use files to clean the tips, due to the possibility of breaking the iron barrier. I will admit to using sand paper on the tip once, but that was when I left my iron on for a few days (the auto-off feature is broken) and a really thick layer of oxide built up on the tip. It wouldn't tin no matter what and I had an urgent job to finish, so I sanded the tip until solder would wet it, then I bought a new tip for the next job.
I've soldered 10s of thousands of joints, both surface mount and through hole, over the past couple years and I don't even own flux. I have my soldering iron, some rosin cored solder, and a tip cleaner that consists of a mass of brass wool that you just poke the tip into a couple times to clean.
This is the one.
If I end up with a blob of solder on the tip that doesn't have any more flux in it keeping me from making a good joint, I just clean the tip and start over with fresh solder. I don't have time to mess with flux. We're talking well under a second per joint. One of the boards I make has 163 joints on it and I'd be miserable if it took much longer per joint.
Regarding power: I see no reason not to use the most powerful soldering iron you can. The goal is to bring the joint up to temperature as rapidly as possible, apply solder, then remove the iron. Most irons have temperature controlled tips, so imagine a scenario where you have two joints and two irons set to the same temperature but one powerful and one weak. You touch the weak one to its joint and immediately the temperature of the tip drops as heat is transfered to the joint. The control system of the iron kicks in to bring the temperature back up to the set point, but it's not that powerful so it takes some time. Meanwhile heat is flowing away from the joint and towards your precious laser diode or other component.
With the more powerful iron, the tip stays closer to its set temperature, allowing you to bring the solder joint up to temperature more rapidly. This results in less total heat going into your joint and less chance of overheating components. It's kind of like grilling a steak. If your grill is nice and hot, you can get a good char on the outside while leaving the inside medium rare, but if it's not hot enough, the inside will be browned and the outside may not be seared at all. If you have your valuable components inside of the steak, which fire do you want to use?
I use a metcal soldering station with plenty of power and RF energy transfer to the tip. It takes maybe 6 or 7 seconds from turning it on til it's ready for soldering. I also use the sharpest/smallest tip I could find (.015" radius) and it works great for everything but soldering battery terminals on my truck. Here's the one I have:
Metcal PS2E-01 Soldering Station I got a good deal on mine at $50 something on ebay, though they usually go for more than that.