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FrozenGate by Avery

Jokes thread!

Retelling jokes you heard requires a little talent and a good memory helps and of course its all about your timing.


Writing jokes is HOWEVER much different.
the most talented write thier own
-some write and also have writers.

Any who are funny and also write ALL thier own are the most talented.
while repeating other's jokes off stage is common and OK its verbotten on stage and frowned upon extremely.

I was a funny dood in school did a lot of stand=up (in the corner)
I made many laugh as a freshman-- best two years on my life.

here is my newst joke and a good one I wrote a while back.

Did you see on the news about Dr Sanjat Kooptja did a reversal on his opinion concerning medical cababis??

I am not surprized-- I have always said:
'A SanJay a day keeps the Doctor away'

***************

'When I was in college to earn beer money i did lots of clinical drug trials.

So many, in fact, I eventually became addicted to Placebo.

I was in deep.. once tried to buy from a street dealer using Monopoly money- he pretented to nearly beat me to death.

Towards the end...

it became so bad to get clean I had to do 90 days in a fake re-hab.'

********** >(*U*)< ***********

'not all drugs are good..

, some are great' ( that very last part I stole)
 
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hakzaw1 said:
'When I was in college to earn beer money i did lots of clinical drug trials.

So many, in fact, I eventually became addicted to Placebo.

I was in deep.. once tried to buy from a street dealer using Moniopoly money- he pretented to nearly beat me to death.

Towards the end...

it became so bad to get clean I had to do 90 days in a fake re-hab.'

********** >(*U*)< ***********

'not all drugs are good..

, some are great' ( that very last part I stole)
__________________
Click to expand...

:crackup:

I'll have to see if some of my imaginary friends have the hookup on those placebos :rolleyes:

~ LB
 
One day, a French spy received a coded message from an American spy claiming it came directly from President Bush. It read: S370HSSV-0773H.

The spy was stumped, so he sent it to his boss at the agency. His boss was stumped too, so he sent it to the Russians for decoding.

The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.

The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down.
 
How image stabilization really works...

kE7xE2P.gif
 
So Sinead O'Connor wrote a letter to Miley Cyrus warning her not to go off the rails..

She's also written a letter to JFK that says 'duck' and one to the passengers of the Costa Concordia to give the voyage a miss on 13th January.
 
That was awesome :eg:

Very elaborate setup. The only really obvious part a customer might have spotted would be the wire.
 
The Perfect Day - Her . (Bit old on the President bit )

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love 11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm. 7:00 Shower and massage. 7:30 Blowjob. 7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section. 8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys. 8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens. 12:30 Blowjob. 12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini. 3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit. 7:30 Shit, shower, shave. 8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals). 9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero 10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries 11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight Blowjob. Sleep
 
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