Introspective Question

[TheDukeAnumber1]

"Is it morally ok to be rude/disrespectful to someone who you perceive to be less intelligent than you?"​

I have my own beliefs, but I am simply asking this question because I am curious to see what some of the LPF communities response is, nothing more complicated than that.

 

[Tmack]

I see this all the time in regard to the search bar.

Imagine this

You walk into a diner and ask where the bathroom is
" I hate it when you morons come in here and ask where the bathroom is. If you idiots can't see the sign just turn around and leave"
You think to yourself.
" was it so hard to just point me in the right direction and be polite about it, I've never been here before and didnt think it was a huge deal to ask someone .

I know that the members who bash the newbies feel like they are entitled because they have " paid their dues" but is it really necessary to be so rude just because you feel like your so much better than this person, or your have answered this question before.

I'm positive if they were face to face with said person the outcome would be very different.
Everyone is very tough , and quick to be rude when there is a keyboard under their fingers.
I'm sure they would say " I'd say it to their face" but I think we know that's hardly true.

So the people who think they can belittle members because they have been here longer, or have more education on the subject( not more intelligent ) need to just take a step back, because they know they are being rude, and have no right to be.

 

[Encap]

In a word: No, generally speaking.

Why and when is being rude/disrespectful warranted/justified?.

Depends upon the situation/circumstances of course. i.e. polite discussion, emergency, some asking for help etc.

 

[daguin]

This concept that being rude or disrespectful is somehow "wrong" is silly

It is based in the fact that people are unwilling to stand up for themselves

They want some "outside" entity to control their environment for them

It is neither right nor wrong

It is just how some people are

Some people are rude

Some people are disrespectful

Grow a pair and deal with it

Peace,
dave

 

[Meatball]

Just remember that everyone starts somewhere. No blame can be place for that starting place - but it could be placed on those that refuse to grow from there.

Does it justify being rude to them?

Are you assuming that it is always better to be more intelligent than someone else?

Its simply not everyone's cup 'o tea.

Always be kind. Always be ready to share to mercy to those who have a different taste for tea than you.

 

[NKO29]

I am very against people with "authority" looking down on newbies. A part of being new is that you need to learn, and sometimes you need people to point you in the right direction. Having people flame you for asking a question is not nice especially if you don't know anybody in the community.

 

[Tmack]

And I understand where Dave is coming from. But how much ground do you have to stand on, when its one of your first posts? I don't think anyone wants someone to defend them, they just want a little understanding that, they are new, they may not know much about forum etiquette , and they are not out to piss anyone off. But the people who " have a pair" are clearly out to do just that, piss of the op, and puff out their chest on a FORUM.

 

[Things]

Is this in reference to online, or IRL? Cos I think you'll find it'll be very different between the 2.

In both cases I don't agree with it. I'm 100% for the "I'll treat you like you treat me" saying. Sure some people have more authority, but I don't care if you're not a dick about it.

 

[Pman]

Couldn't disagree more Dave.
People who won't stand up for themselves are the reason why some people are rude/disrespectful and this justifies their behavior?
It is NOT "just how people are". It is how the person CHOOSES to be. We can choose to control our behavior or choose not too.
Anyone can be rude. There's little effort involved. It takes work to do the right thing. Choosing to be rude and disrespectful shows weakness. Choosing not too shows you've "grown a pair" to deal with it.

Choosing to be rude/disrespectful because you think you think you are more intelligent than someone else shows lack of control, discipline and a general superiority complex. When push comes to shove this is the attitude that will lead to your "friends" abandoning you in times of need.
I tell every new member or anyone dealing with an issue here to be overly kind. Work at it. Do it with purpose.
How I treat others has little bearing on how they treat me.
I go to work and am constantly dealing with customers problems/issues especially because I am "that guy" who makes things right between customer and company. I do my job the same regardless of how I am personally treated. I can tell a persons worth by how they work on their own when no one is watching.
Doing the right thing regardless of how you are treated doesn't come natural. It takes discipline and is not easy. We tend to demand justice regardless of whether we really deserve it or not. We tend to judge others much harder than ourselves. It's easy to want to see someone punished for what they did or didn't do but when the tables are turned we think it's unfair that we should be treated with the same standard because we are "special".
I am constantly working at improving myself and I readily admit there are times when I don't want to do the right thing and try to convince myself that my behavior is justified. When I do let my emotions run unchecked the results are always the same. I feel immensely ashamed for not controlling myself.

I once heard a story that I was able to find on the net. Here's a copy/paste of it:

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.” A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

 

[daguin]

Couldn't disagree more Dave.
People who won't stand up for themselves are the reason why some people are rude/disrespectful and this justifies their behavior?
It is NOT "just how people are". It is how the person CHOOSES to be. We can choose to control our behavior or choose not too.
Anyone can be rude. There's little effort involved. It takes work to do the right thing. Choosing to be rude and disrespectful shows weakness. Choosing not too shows you've "grown a pair" to deal with it.

Choosing to be rude/disrespectful because you think you think you are more intelligent than someone else shows lack of control, discipline and a general superiority complex. When push comes to shove this is the attitude that will lead to your "friends" abandoning you in times of need.
I tell every new member or anyone dealing with an issue here to be overly kind. Work at it. Do it with purpose.
How I treat others has little bearing on how they treat me.
I go to work and am constantly dealing with customers problems/issues especially because I am "that guy" who makes things right between customer and company. I do my job the same regardless of how I am personally treated. I can tell a persons worth by how they work on their own when no one is watching.
Doing the right thing regardless of how you are treated doesn't come natural. It takes discipline and is not easy. We tend to demand justice regardless of whether we really deserve it or not. We tend to judge others much harder than ourselves. It's easy to want to see someone punished for what they did or didn't do but when the tables are turned we think it's unfair that we should be treated with the same standard because we are "special".
I am constantly working at improving myself and I readily admit there are times when I don't want to do the right thing and try to convince myself that my behavior is justified. When I do let my emotions run unchecked the results are always the same. I feel immensely ashamed for not controlling myself.

I once heard a story that I was able to find on the net. Here's a copy/paste of it:

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.” A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Rationalization followed by a parable
There's not much relative to the "real world" there
It might be what you are hoping for, but it is not reality

Take your first paragraph.
You could just switch "rude" and "respectful" in each instance and it would still read the same

The world is full of a$$holes
Learn to deal with them or they will take advantage of you

Peace,
dave

 

[Lazerbeak]

Good thread Duke

Very interesting discussion. I agree with Pman as I also frequently deal with issues at work and I've found avoiding hostility as the best way to get my job done.

Dave's point is very valid though. I had my issues in the beginning too Tmack. While it may be a personal choice to be kind or respectful there are those that choose not to. I have my share of scars too. There are those that will take advantage of kindness and see it as weakness. At some point we all must stand up for ourselves and make a choice. I chose to stay a part of the community.

This is bordering on a religious discussion with all the talk of morality. Perhaps why it's so interesting.

~ LB

 

[Meatball]

Rationalization followed by a parable
There's not much relative to the "real world" there
It might be what you are hoping for, but it is not reality

Take your first paragraph.
You could just switch "rude" and "respectful" in each instance and it would still read the same

The world is full of a$$holes
Learn to deal with them or they will take advantage of you

Peace,
dave

Or rather - learn to show them love so their error can be detected and possibly corrected. The latter is indeed a choice made- assholiness not a state which just 'happens' to someone.

"Dealing" with them is not explicitly for your own good or self preservation. Doing this will likely turn you into an asshole.

"Dealing" with them can just as likely mean doing something for their betterment - ignoring your own "special needs" and "rules" gained from past experience.

You speak like "dealing" with them is work done solely by you - the "victim", as if its some kind of "learn to get along" and "make the best of" situation where the problem is passively tolerated instead of being addressed at the source. Addressing the problem at the source is not behavior training - its often rooted deeper than some behavioral issue.

The asshole is often resorting to "Plan B" to get the next best treatment they think they can get - or that they deserve. Be it some bad attitude in some position of power or influence. They resort to Plan B because Plan A failed somewhere down the line. Plan A is more ideal of course.

Its good to aim to treat them as they would best prefer to be treated - everybody's Plan A - with kindness.

If everyone were kind to you - would you ever be an asshole to anyone?

 

[pschlosser]

Some of the ideas expressed here are not limited to how we behave, but include how we react. When my son loses his temper, I have a great deal of compassion for him when it’s over a matter that I agree seems unfair. And when he says hurtful things, because he himself is hurting, I also take that in context. My son doesn’t anger me. Why? Because I love him. Because I may understand why he is angry or hurting. And this teaches me I can control myself and my reaction – if I choose to.

When an older man loses his temper and behaves like a child, I admit, I have less compassion. However, I don’t know what that man’s life may be, nor what he’s been through, prior to his loss of temper. It is my opinion the healthier the person, the better they control their reaction, as well as their behavior.

If I lose my temper and let’s just say I feel justified, how someone reacts to my words or attitude is up to them. I’m not sure I have a great deal of control (and thus responsibility) over how they choose to react. I do have full responsibility over my words and my actions. And I will be on the hook for any consequences from what I say and do.

But I see many who are quick to react. Quick to take offense. And quick to shift blame onto others for their reaction and hurt feelings. And I for one, do not agree, it’s okay to hold me accountable for their feelings.

A pattern of success and happiness I see in many relationships is being non-reactive to others' anxiety.

 

[BShanahan14rulz]

The answer is "Yes."

However, I would not be rude or disrespectful to someone BECAUSE they are less intelligent. Generally, it just happens to be the case. :beer:

 

[Cyparagon]

I can tell a persons worth by how they work on their own when no one is watching.

But how will you know how they work if no one is watching? :shhh:

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

Webcams are so cheap now days

"Is it morally ok to be rude/disrespectful to someone who you perceive to be less intelligent than you?"​

The simple answer is no.

The complicated one, is it depends on the situation, and they are often unique.

What annoys me here on the forum from time to time, is rarely that I think someone is stupid (although let's face it, we've all read some facepalm worthy material), but rather that they are lazy.

That they demand a simple answer to a complicated question.

That they continue to ask questions, to which answers are easy to find.

That they in turn perceive as rudeness, an answer that is simply short/terse, and equally as uniforming as their question.

To a person who is simply lazy, I will just stop responding. To a person that becomes rude, I'll use nice language, but no longer feel any obligation to actually be nice.

To take Tmack analogy - of course it's easier to point out the bathroom, but would you really want a customer to whom you also need to show where the Bar is, or the tables, or the back door? I guess yes, if you're a paid host, but none of us here are.