female problems

[tatman]

The chicks that you want NEVER want you, and the ones that are nuts over you ...well who wants them? Confidence,blahblahblah.MONEY is what a girl is lookin for. Don't shoot too high and the chances turn in your favor.And when you hook up with a lady don't expect too much...you'll only be disappointed. The best a feller can do is to find a girl that you really like lookin at- and you and her have to agree on at least SOMETHING at least once in a while. Marry her and then hang on like hell.Because even if you really like lookin at her and you two occaisionaly agree on one thing or another you are still in for a real bad ride. At one time this was secret knowledge but since I have no heir I do not want it to become lost to future generations.

 

[nikokapo]

[quote author=GooeyGus link=1215829955/20#28 date=1216370951]

VillageIdiot approves. >:D


"Female problems" - such a typical thread name for the geek section  ;D


1000 POSTCOUNT GET

and remember folks, for every rep you give me remember to rep c0ld as well, i mean cmon, who's more deserving? [/quote]

C0ld.









hahahahahaha, YOU GOT CLOSER TO THE POST COUNT!

Two Words: Boobs.

 

[tomcat]

BOOBS ARE GOOD! and those are a nice pair may i say

 

[VillageIdiot]

This is why you NEVER post a picture of your girlfriend on the internets.

 

[daguin]

This is why you NEVER post a picture of your girlfriend on the internets.

Well, yeah . . . .that and your wife might see it

Peace,
dave

 

[VillageIdiot]

^that deserves a repz

 

[GooeyGus]

This is why you NEVER post a picture of your girlfriend on the internets.

Haha..... Now lets just hope she doesn't track me down to LPF.... ;D

 

[Vardarac]

It's kind of funny that I found this thread through Google instead of the forums when I'd already been here on and off for the past two weeks!

Now, I'm ONLY 19 and haven't had much experience with ladies (and I've still got a ways to go!), but I can say this with some certainty: If you see yourself as a guy who lacks charisma and confidence, the absolute BEST thing you can do to help yourself gain those qualities is to make great friends (and only friends- your true intentions are key!) with one or two attractive girls. It helps if they have boyfriends already- this puts a damper on any sort of non-platonic agenda you might have.

Anyway, the reason for this is so that you become much more comfortable with (and better at) talking to girls whom you find physically attractive. Now, when I say friends, I don't mean the kind Murudai brings up. You know: the quiet, shy, sensitive guy who listens to her problems? Listening and showing concern (when appropriate) are together a key part of a good relationship, but they should not take center stage of your activities with said women. Hang out with them. Talk with them, joke around, do fun stuff, and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself when you do something awkward. Be the kind of guy people in general enjoy spending time with, and if that takes a concerted effort on your part, so be it (believe me, this was the hardest part- trying to iron out some of the more bothersome aspects of my personality). I'm friends with a girl who I went to high school with (and who goes to my college) who thinks I'm an awesome guy, and even though I don't believe that I'm half as good as she says, she still makes me feel invincible. And that's the idea.

 

[daguin]

Time for a little science . . . .

I'm sure that by now you have learned about the basic "fight or flight response." When you are faced with a unknown stimulus, your brain gets your body ready to kick ass or run. It does this by producing (and increasing) the levels of stress hormones (like adrenaline and cortisol) in your blood. When the stress hormones hit your bloodstream, your heart rate increases, your blood pressure goes up, the capillaries in your extremities constrict to reduce the blood flow, and muscle tension is increased. This reaction get the body "ready" to react in whatever way it needs to.

As these changes take place, we "feel" it as our heart "racing", breathing heavy, hands (and legs) shaking, mouth dryness, and an increase in sweating. I'm sure you have felt this reaction and these things. You know about them. They are very well understood. Now the part that you don't know.

Your parents don't know this. Some of your teachers don't know this. The teachers that DO know this won't tell you, because in the eyes of the law (and your parents) you are an infant. They think that you are incapable of handling this information. So they don't tell you . . . and the teen pregnancy rate climbed again last year <sigh> I can tell you because I don't have to worry about getting fired from being your teacher. I teach my university students this.

It is NOT simply the "fight or flight" response. It is the "fight, flight, or breed" response. When you are confronted with an "unknown" such as whether this girl will like you or not (have sex with you or not). Your body responds with stress hormones. YES! The very same stress hormones that get your body ready to kick ass or run also get your body ready for "love." So the stress hormones hit the bloodstream and what happens? . . . . Your heart races in your chest, your face flushes, your hands shake, your mouth gets dry, and your muscles get "tight." Does that mean that you are destined to be an awkward geek the rest of your life with no chance at ever getting a GF? . . NO.

Do you remember doing something "exciting" the first time (riding a bike, driving a car, sky-diving)? Do you remember how you felt when confronting that "unknown" (heart racing, etc.)? How do you feel about it now? You have gotten used to it. It is still fun, but it is no longer frightening. This happened because of a couple of processes. One is systematic desensitization. The other is cognitive restructuring. The science explaining these would take too long in a posting (it's too long already isn't it?), but simply put desensitization is the process of being repeatedly exposed to the stimulus and thus reducing your reaction to it. Restructuring is changing the way your think about the stimulus.

For desensitization to work, you simply expose yourself (NOT that way) to the stimulant (girls) repeatedly. As you do so, your reaction will be lowered to manageable levels. Just go up to girls and talk to them. By doing so, you will reduce your anxiety by getting used to it. Will it be "exciting" the first few times? Yes. However, just like you can ride a bike now without getting "tense", soon you will be able to talk to girls without getting tense.

For restructuring to work you need to "re-frame" what you think about what you feel. You do this by learning and talking to yourself in a positive manner. You are learning some here. Through experience, you will learn more about them. Instead of thinking, "OH SHIT! Here comes a girl!", think, "I am about to have a really good time meeting someone new."

Also understand this, girls mature a bit before boys. She "knows" more about the situation than you do, so she is not as "frightened", but she IS still reacting to the situation. She doesn't think that you are a "geeky little kid" because you get shy and stutter around her. She thinks you are cute. She likes the fact that she excites you. Don't try to hide it. Let her see that you think she is "all that AND a bag of chips!"

And wear a condom!

Peace,
dave

 

[diachi]

Its true, once you are around girls more and more often you get used to it, at first you cant stand near them because you are so nervous, but you gradually move closer then you can stand next to them, but you are unable to talk. and when you start talking to them you shudder a lot and shake, but you just get used to it. I used to really like a girl 2 years ago, so much so that I went red just looking at her, but I gradually got closer to her, and I started being able to talk to her and all that. Now we're best mates and we can tell each other anything . It's actually a lot easier to tell a girl how you feel than anyone else, I only tell me best mates that are girls my actual feelings and problems I have because they can give the best advice and don't turn round and give you a right slagging :

Girls can also read us like a book, but we generally find it harder to see what their thinking by their expressions, unless of course you know them really well.

Diachi

 

[daguin]

Its true, once you are around girls more and more often you get used to it, at first you cant stand near them because you are so nervous, but you gradually move closer then you can stand next to them, but you are unable to talk. and when you start talking to them you shudder a lot and shake, but you just get used to it. I used to really like a girl 2 years ago, so much so that I went red just looking at her, but I gradually got closer to her, and I started being able to talk to her and all that. Now we're best mates and we can tell each other anything . It's actually a lot easier to tell a girl how you feel than anyone else, I only tell me best mates that are girls my actual feelings and problems I have because they can give the best advice and don't turn round and give you a right slagging :

Girls can also read us like a book, but we generally find it harder to see what their thinking by their expressions, unless of course you know them really well.

Diachi

Now you know "why" as well. A key point worth repeating is this;

She actually thinks it's cute when you get all flustered around her. She considers it a compliment. It shows her that she is "getting to you" and she loves it.

Be yourself

Be what you is
Not what you is not
Folks what do this is the happiest lot

Peace,
dave

P.S. Wear a condom

 

[diachi]

[quote author=Diachi link=1215829955/40#42 date=1216662587]Its true, once you are around girls more and more often you get used to it, at first you cant stand near them because you are so nervous, but you gradually move closer then you can stand next to them, but you are unable to talk. and when you start talking to them you shudder a lot and shake, but you just get used to it. I used to really like a girl 2 years ago, so much so that I went red just looking at her, but I gradually got closer to her, and I started being able to talk to her and all that. Now we're best mates and we can tell each other anything . It's actually a lot easier to tell a girl how you feel than anyone else, I only tell me best mates that are girls my actual feelings and problems I have because they can give the best advice and don't turn round and give you a right slagging :

Girls can also read us like a book, but we generally find it harder to see what their thinking by their expressions, unless of course you know them really well.

Diachi

Now you know "why" as well. A key point worth repeating is this;

[highlight]She actually thinks it's cute when you get all flustered around her. She considers it a compliment. It shows her that she is "getting to you" and she loves it.[/highlight]

Be yourself

Be what you is
Not what you is not
Folks what do this is the happiest lot

Peace,
dave

P.S. Wear a condom[/quote]


That explains it, my best friend knows that I'm attracted to her but she told me nothing would happen between is ( after something did :-? ) but I could swear shes attracted to me as well, guess its just a waiting game for now.

Diachi

 

[nikokapo]

@daguin: COPIED TO NOTE, saved in gmail, printed into my head.

@diachi: well, then she's not your FRIEND. idk about whether you think men can be friends with a women, but you like her and if she likes you, there's gonna be a turning point sometime which will determine what'll happen with that relationship..

 

[daguin]

That explains it, my best friend knows that I'm attracted to her but she told me nothing would happen between is ( after something did :-? ) but I could swear shes attracted to me as well, guess its just a waiting game for now.
Diachi

I think I've posted this before , but I can't find it. The science of it is interesting (having to do with high testosterone levels and behavior), but the reality of it hits home for many of us . . .

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, “You're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.” This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, “You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. We're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. If he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. However, we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

<sigh>
Bad boys and broken toys get all the girls
<sigh>

Peace,
dave

 

[danq]

I think I've posted this before , but I can't find it.  The science of it is interesting (having to do with high testosterone levels and behavior), but the reality of it hits home for many of us . . .

A woman has a close male friend.  This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much.  She sees him strictly as a friend.  This always starts out with, “You're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.”  This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, “You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.  We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.  We're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.  If he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.  In fact, we will never hire you.  However, we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

that man knows wherof he speaks!

 

[diachi]

Point taken, and that is true, I've been woken at 3:30-5:30AM with my friends phoning because they just broke up with their BF and they needed to talk to someone, either that or they just were unable to work the TV ;D.