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Need a Laser to kill Humans (!!)

Joined
Oct 1, 2011
Messages
287
Points
18
Hello, may the most of you dont have any problems with Humans but i really(!) hate them and im scared of them because they keep killing my family by squashing them and hurting them.

I love the Idea of burning a Human from 3 meter distance off the wall. (Cant kill them on another way, ... im really small)

So i wanna know what 'Power' (Hurrhurr) do i need to burn them within ~ 5secs (Dont want them to see me and try and get me, else i could try to lure them to a remote spot with another member from my spider family) - But i dont wanna burn my (cool) friends.

I really thought about buying the S3 Arctic 1W but i did not read good things about it. Andi wanna be "sure" that i got a good "Human-killer"-Laser.

Dont wanna spend more than 300 euro (~400 USD) for it. (with glasses)

Thank you very much. Did not find much with Search function. (loved "Pest Control" Thread but it didn't cover humans)

magmabeam, an endangered spider
 





MojoLA

0
Joined
Sep 29, 2010
Messages
258
Points
18
You can kill humans pretty easily with a lot of lasers; for example, my Wicked Lasers Arctic has such a big, heavy host you can easily whack someone over the head with it and down they go!
 

DrSid

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Joined
Jul 17, 2010
Messages
1,506
Points
48
Arctic is too big for small spiders. Spiders have several non-laser ways to kill, or at least harass humans. You can call poisonous/big/both cousins for holidays. If you are very small, you can get into humans ear. That freaks them out all the time. If you are middle sized, sit on their nose when they sleep. The will brush you away when they wake up .. and then freak out when they realize what was 'it'. If you are good at webbing, lay web over their eyes when they sleep. for additional effect, get thousands or so children, and do it all together.
 

Ablaze

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Joined
Oct 19, 2011
Messages
462
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I need a laser device to scare humans. They keep sitting near me and it makes me nervous. I just need something that tracks a human and scares it away.

Sincerely,

Goose la rue
 

Things

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Joined
May 1, 2007
Messages
7,517
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Dear Mr spider, I would appreciate if you did not run up the side of my computer desk or sit on the curtains as I'm trying to go to sleep :p
 
Joined
Mar 26, 2012
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949
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Dear Senor spider, I want to ask you nicely to stop biting me in my sleep. I have been nice enough to not kill you guys when you moved into my house and all you show me is disrespect. I love you and I do NOT want to take action against you, but I may have to start a war on this terrorism.
 

gillza

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Joined
Jul 26, 2010
Messages
583
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28
Spiders I like, they are cute

jumping_spider_Thomas_Shahan.jpg


It's the mosquitoes I HATE...
Blood sucking flying.... arghhhh

 
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Joined
Jul 8, 2012
Messages
1,772
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The war already began at my house. I had a full out lasing battle with a giant spider that was on my bed. Needless to say the battle ended with a smoking spider and carpet...

I do have to agree partly with gillza. Some spiders are just too cool to cook and I despise mosquitoes any time anywhere and will employ any tactic available at the time to kill them off XD
 
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Joined
Aug 30, 2010
Messages
1,595
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63
OP whatever you decide upon please make sure your safety goggles OD are approved for whatever wavelength you against us. You only have 8 eyes so it's important to protect them!!!

:beer:
 
Joined
Mar 26, 2012
Messages
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OP whatever you decide upon please make sure your safety goggles OD are approved for whatever wavelength you against us. You only have 8 eyes so it's important to protect them!!!

:beer:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just laughed SO HARD. I would +1 you but I cant :cryyy:
 
Joined
Jan 9, 2011
Messages
80
Points
8

That link looks extremely suspicious.
Firstly, the wavelength makes it a CO2 laser. The pdf appears to claim that the CO2 mixture is pumped by "compressing" it and making it "flow at Mach 6", using some technobabble.
It then states that the laser rifle produces 600J pulsed shots, at 2kW power and 0.3s per shot. It then states that it can fire 150 times per minute, which would make it essentially a CW laser. A 2kW CW CO2 laser would weigh far over 20kg, let alone being portable.
It further states the recoil, which mandates something being ejected from the laser rifle, as light produces negligible recoil. Since the power cell is supposedly sealed, the recoil would presumably be due to the "Mach 6 gas", which would then be consumed without replacement.
Overall, this sounds too dodgy to be realistic.

-edit-
I found this, which finally explained why this whole thing is so ridiculous:
http://www.defensereview.com/352003/TIS1.pdf
It is apparently a proposed NUCLEAR POWERED laser, using alpha decay of Po-210 to heat the gas. When the gases are fully heated, the 100kW "fuel rod" isn't going to stop producing energy!
I seriously cannot comprehend the utter ridiculous thoughts of the person who thought of this.
 
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