female problems

[Dr_Evil]

No, I'm not talking about the once a month stuff or anything like that. I'm talking about GF problems. I'm rather shy when it comes to talking to to new people most of the time. That turns into a slim chance of finding a GF. I don't go to clubs or anything like that either and that doesn't help at all.

It also seems like girls of the wrong age seem to like me or "fight" over me. I'm talking about ones way below the legal limit. My neice is always happy to see me and wants to do stuff with me all the time when we visit each other. I had family come visit me the week of the 4th and we went to Busch Gardens since military gets in for free once a year. One the families my mom met while in New Mexico moved to the Tampa area so we met up with them while down there. We took their 5 y/o daughter to Busch Gardens. Her and my neice kept arguing over who got to go on rides with me.

I don't know what it is. I become an instant favorite with the young ones but I have a hard time meeting ones my own age.

 

[toked323]

My friends and I were talking about the same exact thing. We figured it all out....You have to be spontaneous, Like this one girl in rite aid, My friend was so shy i was like just go say something. He said why are you looking at make up you look good enough as it is. She was like happy and they talked but nothing major.

 

[freshert]

You probably earned the kids trust quite quickly. My nieces and nephew are always happy to see me. One of them is almost two years old and she makes me carry her around. If you want a girlfriend just start talking to girls, theres nothing wrong with it so why would you hesitate? If your still in school just ask the girls for help or if the girls ask you for help, help them! When you talk with a girl it doesn't mean she's your girlfriend, you could be just friends and thats normal.

 

[rkcstr]

Confidence is key. If you can talk to a girl you don't know like she's one of your friends (I mean appropriate for a girl, not "guy talk") and you're not nervous, she'll be cool with it. But, then you can't just be a "friend" either, as that will get you nowhere.

Basically, you just go up to a girl, be direct, and just ask her out, but make sure it's when she's by herself, or possibly with people who you're friends with as well. And don't do anything cheesy for the first date... just go to a movie, out to eat (somewhere casual), etc. No need to bring flowers or anything (read, nothing cheesy), just be relaxed and have a good time. At the end of the night, let her know you enjoyed her company, give her some compliments and, if you haven't had any physical contact yet, at least go for a hug and watch out to see if she's expecting a kiss.

There's no formula for this stuff, you basically just have to play it by feel... experience is everything, so go get some (uh, no pun intended... maybe)

EDIT: Oh, and the advice I gave in the 2nd paragraph is general advice for the typical high-school girl... you may have to adjust or totally disregard some of it for your situation, especially if you have a girl who's "deep" or "intellectual", as you may need to be more creative in that case ;D

 

[GooeyGus]

rkcstr hit the nail on the head. Its confidence confidence confidence confidence!!!! They can smell your fear! The best way to go about things... and this may sound kinda bad, but honestly just go talk to them like you don't care about them one way or another. I'm not saying to be mean, but dont put a girl on a pedestal just because she's a girl. We're all human and if you go up and talk to them without nervousness or awkwardness, just like you would one of your friends (confidence wise anyway...) then you're good to go.

If you don't mind me asking, are you the type that usually gets put into the 'friend' zone? Also, how old are you?

Rkcstr was also right when he says it comes with experience. One just learns the ins and outs of how to talk to a girl and how to make your intentions very clear from the get-go, but without seeming weird or creepy.

 

[airy52]

Do not end up an intellectual whore, for any amount of time. I'm sure some of the guys here know what I'm talking about.

 

[Murudai]

Heh, interesting thread

My experience is always the friend. At high school after Grade 9, 80% of my friends were girls. That pretty much carried through to Grade 12, where ratio was more like 50-50. But that was just because I made a whole lot more friends, and they were mostly guys

Then I went to Uni in another state. Had to make all my friends again, and I thought 'nah, I just got lucky in high school because of my other friends, it'll all be guys now'. But lo and behold, 18 months in to Uni half my friends are girls. One of my best friends is a girl.


So you must be thinking, 'boy, this guy has got it made' but no. I've never had a girlfriend, or anything remotely close (oh, and I'm not gay... I think). And I'm 19 years old, almost 20 now.


So, why? Mainly because I'm a quiet person. I'll go and talk to everyone and be part of the conversations, but I'm not 'the life of the party'. I don't stand out. Same as other people have said. I've even got looks going for me, as my friends sometimes point out, but that doesn't help much, lol. Ugly guys with an awesome outgoing personality get more girls than cute guys with a quiet personality. That's a fact, if that is something you are worried about.


Most of the points have already been covered, but allow me to add another suggestion from my experiences above. Get friends who are girls. Not girlfriends, just friends. Just in school or wherever, be a fun friendly person. If your mates have friends who are girls, make them your friends as well. Just treat them like they are any old person, don't go thinking they are special because of their gender, as has already been pointed out.

Once you get a nice circle of good friends who are girls, it makes life easier. It has really helped me. Get rid of all your manliness and toughness, and go up and talk about relationships. Ask why you are having a hard time, why you're not getting a girlfriend. If you're too shy to do that, do it over MSN or some other online messaging software (I did ).

The insights you will get from talking to another girl in a purely friends conversation is enormous. They will help you better than anyone. Even if you are having insecurities or something, go talk to a girl about it. They will cheer you up WAY better than a guy would. Even if they say the same thing as a guy, just the fact that it is coming from a girl will make you feel a lot better.

That is how I keep going. If I ever feel insecure, I talk to one of my friends who are girls and they make me feel a whole lot better. It may not help your lack of girlfriend problem, but take it from me, you will feel a LOT better.


And then there is another advantage. Your friends who are girls will have social networks, go to parties with those friends and you will automatically meet girls. That's when you make your move And even if it doesn't work, you have all your girly friends to support you and make you feel better, you can't lose!


That's what I'm doing. I still don't have a girlfriend, or even close, but I feel much better now than I did before I had all these friends who are girls. And all I really have to say is 'I want a girlfriend' to them and they'll help me do it. But I haven't done that yet, because I don't feel I need one.

That's just my perspective from my life Probably went in to a bit much detail about myself rather than you, but hey, I'm sure you'll be interested to see what some of us are doing Good luck

 

[GooeyGus]

Heh, interesting thread

My experience is always the friend. At high school after Grade 9, 80% of my friends were girls. That pretty much carried through to Grade 12, where ratio was more like 50-50. But that was just because I made a whole lot more friends, and they were mostly guys

Then I went to Uni in another state. Had to make all my friends again, and I thought 'nah, I just got lucky in high school because of my other friends, it'll all be guys now'. But lo and behold, 18 months in to Uni half my friends are girls. One of my best friends is a girl.


So you must be thinking, 'boy, this guy has got it made' but no. I've never had a girlfriend, or anything remotely close (oh, and I'm not gay... I think). And I'm 19 years old, almost 20 now.


So, why? Mainly because I'm a quiet person. I'll go and talk to everyone and be part of the conversations, but I'm not 'the life of the party'. I don't stand out. Same as other people have said. I've even got looks going for me, as my friends sometimes point out, but that doesn't help much, lol. Ugly guys with an awesome outgoing personality get more girls than cute guys with a quiet personality. That's a fact, if that is something you are worried about.


Most of the points have already been covered, but allow me to add another suggestion from my experiences above. Get friends who are girls. Not girlfriends, just friends. Just in school or wherever, be a fun friendly person. If your mates have friends who are girls, make them your friends as well. Just treat them like they are any old person, don't go thinking they are special because of their gender, as has already been pointed out.

I think this needs to be revised a bit, just for clarification. If you are attracted to a girl and want a future with her, the WORST place to EVER be is in the 'friend zone'. Once you are there, you are never getting out. At this point they see you more as a 'girlfriend' than a manly guy that they would be attracted to. Now, making friends with girls that you have no attraction to whatsoever is a great idea. The reason being, like murudai said, is for the networking. You can meet girls through them. Another thing, is don't be the guy who listens to the girl talk about all the guys who are 'jerks'. This is a definite sign of being in the friend zone. If a girl you like starts talking about her guy problems (especially if she is talking about one guy specifically) politely tell her that you dont want to hear about it (the thing is, though, if she is talking about this to you it's most likely too late, as she sees you as a friend. If you are in the early stages of friend zone, you can still turn it around)

Once you get a nice circle of good friends who are girls, it makes life easier. It has really helped me. Get rid of all your manliness and toughness, and go up and talk about relationships. Ask why you are having a hard time, why you're not getting a girlfriend. If you're too shy to do that, do it over MSN or some other online messaging software (I did ).

This is another common misconception that I dislike. Romantic comedies and movies show women as wanting these super sensitive guys who will listen to all the girls troubles and give her relationship advice and all that. Girls don't want that guy. Most girls like manly guys, and when I say manly I really just mean confident. Picture this situation... Pretend you are the sensitive guy listening to all her problems. She is complaining about her current boyfriend (who you are trying to get rid of, since you have a huge crush on her and want to be her boyfriend) and you're listening and being sensitive to her emotional stress and giving her great advice, everything the movies would tell you to do. But what happens? She says "thanks so much you're the best!" and goes home to climb into bed with the other guy.

The insights you will get from talking to another girl in a purely friends conversation is enormous. They will help you better than anyone. Even if you are having insecurities or something, go talk to a girl about it. They will cheer you up WAY better than a guy would. Even if they say the same thing as a guy, just the fact that it is coming from a girl will make you feel a lot better.

That is how I keep going. If I ever feel insecure, I talk to one of my friends who are girls and they make me feel a whole lot better. It may not help your lack of girlfriend problem, but take it from me, you will feel a LOT better.


And then there is another advantage. Your friends who are girls will have social networks, go to parties with those friends and you will automatically meet girls. That's when you make your move And even if it doesn't work, you have all your girly friends to support you and make you feel better, you can't lose!


That's what I'm doing. I still don't have a girlfriend, or even close, but I feel much better now than I did before I had all these friends who are girls. And all I really have to say is 'I want a girlfriend' to them and they'll help me do it. But I haven't done that yet, because I don't feel I need one.

That's just my perspective from my life Probably went in to a bit much detail about myself rather than you, but hey, I'm sure you'll be interested to see what some of us are doing Good luck

The bottom line, is that EVERY GUY has been 'that guy' that always gets friend zoned. It's a stage that we go through, we learn from it, and we figure out how to 'make it happen' with the girl we like.

Again, the biggest issues are:
1) Make your intentions known from the beginning!!!
2) DO NOT WAIT until you 'know' the girl well to ask her out. By that time you're probably already in the friend zone, and if not then she's probably already asked YOU out because she was tired of waiting.
3) CONFIDENCE!!! (I cant say this one enough)
4) Don' trick yourself into thinking something is 'there' when it isn't. Know when to cut your losses and move on.
5) Don't be too clingy! A guy who is clingy appears needy, and a guy who is needy appears less confident (among other things)

For my first two or three years of high school I had tons of 'friends who were girls' and I was crazy about a few of them. Nothing ever happened. Then I grew into myself, grew up mentally, and the rest just followed. I had a lot of fun nights from 18-21  ;D   Now I have a great girlfriend who I've been with for just a little over a year.

*end rant*  

 

[Murudai]

Think you totally missed the point there Gooey

I was talking about how to feel better, how to lose some of your insecurities. Why making friends who are girls can really help you with relationship stuff.

I WASN'T talking about making 'friends' with a girl you like, lol. That's a bad idea, almost never works out.


So again, just to clarify. I WASN'T suggesting ways to get a girlfriend, I was suggesting some ways to feel better about yourself, get rid of some of your insecurities and to get some support.

 

[GooeyGus]

Think you totally missed the point there Gooey

I was talking about how to feel better, how to lose some of your insecurities. Why making friends who are girls can really help you with relationship stuff.

I WASN'T talking about making 'friends' with a girl you like, lol. That's a bad idea, almost never works out.


So again, just to clarify. I WASN'T suggesting ways to get a girlfriend, I was suggesting some ways to feel better about yourself, get rid of some of your insecurities and to get some support.

Oh I know... I wasn't necessarily talking to you but just to other guys on here who might get the wrong idea from the post, or to tell them that if they ARE trying to get a girlfriend using the friends method, its not a good idea  

 

[Murudai]

Well, the friends method is good but ONLY indirectly.

feel better about yourself, get rid of some of your insecurities and to get some support.

Those things REALLY boost your confidence And confidence is the big one, as people have been saying

Anyway, I like being the 'super sensitive' effeminate friend It's just who I am really, it's not a means to get a girlfriend. I'm not in it for that purpose. But it has indirectly helped me in the ways I just said above, and that's my point

Just for guys who were confused by my long post, and want a summary of gooeys reply

 

[nikokapo]

Confidence is key.  If you can talk to a girl you don't know like she's one of your friends (I mean appropriate for a girl, not "guy talk") and you're not nervous, she'll be cool with it.  But, then you can't just be a "friend" either, as that will get you nowhere.

Basically, you just go up to a girl, be direct, and just ask her out, but make sure it's when she's by herself, or possibly with people who you're friends with as well. And don't do anything cheesy for the first date... just go to a movie, out to eat (somewhere casual), etc.  No need to bring flowers or anything (read, nothing cheesy), just be relaxed and have a good time.  At the end of the night, let her know you enjoyed her company, give her some compliments and, if you haven't had any physical contact yet, at least go for a hug and watch out to see if she's expecting a kiss.

There's no formula for this stuff, you basically just have to play it by feel... experience is everything, so go get some (uh, no pun intended... maybe)  

EDIT:  Oh, and the advice I gave in the 2nd paragraph is general advice for the typical high-school girl... you may have to adjust or totally disregard some of it for your situation, especially if you have a girl who's "deep" or "intellectual", as you may need to be more creative in that case  ;D

That's the best advice you'll get out of the whole thread.

CONFIDENCE gets you anything.

 

[Vcent]

Oh I know... I wasn't necessarily talking to you but just to other guys on here who might get the wrong idea from the post, or to tell them that if they ARE trying to get a girlfriend using the friends method, its not a good idea  

Too right...I realized that way too late,and sure,they're great friends,but chances are 1/10000 that you'll get anything that involves smashing a bed out of it.On the other hand:They do make great friends

 

[nikokapo]

Oh I know... I wasn't necessarily talking to you but just to other guys on here who might get the wrong idea from the post, or to tell them that if they ARE trying to get a girlfriend using the friends method, its not a good idea  

Too right...I realized that way too late,and sure,they're great friends,but chances are 1/10000 that you'll get anything that involves smashing a bed out of it.On the other hand:They do make great friends

I could tell my best friend (female) "hey, lets go smash a bed !"[literally] i think she'd accept instantly...

 

[tomcat]

found my missus just under 3 years ago i was down town getting baked with a few mates before we went to game workshop

and saw her there had a game on a table she wiped the floor with my 6000point tau techarmy vz her 2000point grayknight battlegroup (yes a girl that epicrapes at warhammer 40k)...

and so it started there... i then convinced her to come to a local metal nightclub, protected her from a raging moshpit that opened up right around us (the whole frikkin dancefloor of big angry moshers) when slayer came on the speakers,

we went out at the end and ended up in a secluded part of the city at 2am teaching her to roll joints right and take it back she was supposed to be home at 9pm that day we were both 14 ( fire exit > bouncers and entry fee at nightclub) carried her 7 miles to her house (heels > stoned girl) and gave her my number

 

[sk8er4514]

nice story tomcat. lol

ah damn typo in ur rep. i meant *date* not day... oh well