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4 months later..

Richie89

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hello all,
I haven't been on in months because a lot of stuff going on in my life, me and my gf broke up after 6 years and ive been depressed and not wanting to see or talk to anyone. it all started in mid July when my girlfriend at the time started drinking heavily and cutting herself, I tried for weeks to figure out what was wrong with her with no luck, she avoided talking to me and acted like she hated me, little did I know it was because she was trying to push me away and trying to get me to break up with her because she didn't have the guts to do it herself. I loved her so much and it destroyed me knowing that it was pretty much over, after we broke up I moved out not really having anywhere to go, to tell you all the truth I wanted to just end it all, I know it was stupid thinking like that but I couldn't sleep for weeks and didn't know what to do, after all this time I realized that she was a horrible person for also treating me like crap and that she wasn't worth feeling sorry for myself and being depressed and wanting to kill myself. luckily my parents bought a nice house in Edmond Oklahoma just 2 weeks before all this and I got to move into my parents old house which was still nicer than the one me and my ex were living in, so I think it all worked out well for me. I hated the fact that I disconnected myself from the outside world and truthfully missed you all on here a lot, I have been wanting to get back on here for a while and decided today was the day. so im back on here and hopefully quite regularly. Thanks for reading this everyone. I probably missed a lot of stuff that I wanted to say but I was in a hurry to type this.
 

Immo1282

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Hey there - I know I'm a new face that you won't recognise - but it's good to hear that you're back and up on the mend from events past.

All the best,
 

GSS

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Spending and revolving your life around with someone for 6 years and having it come to end relatively quick is hard.
I remember your girl buying you a laser at one point and don't know if your calling her a horrible person just from anger but if she was cutting herself and drinking then there was and is something going on in her life.
Couple's that been and lived together so long get programend to each other and tend to slowly drift away from other friendship's and now that it's over there's not to many friends to lean on or even get back into the old loop which makes you feel alone.
We have all been there and yes old saying time will heal is true. You are young and will see. Get back into the grove of hanging with some guy friends and not try to find an instant girl friend replacement.
You also have to relearn how to talk to girls again and will slowly see and like different quality's and personality's in them..
Help your parent's with the new home and visit them frequently:)
 

BowtieGuy

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Happy to have you back, Richie. :)
Glad to see that you have put that dark time of your life behind you. (y)
We are all still here, and will be looking forward to you posting again.
 

Encap

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Important to be good to and take care of yourself.
You don't need the the associated stress from doing otherwise.

Sounds like you are on the mend. Good luck.
 
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I've never spoken with you before, OP, but nevertheless it's good to hear you're recovering from such an awful experience. I relate strongly and wish you nothing but the best.

A similar experience befell me not long ago with a girlfriend of two years. She too was self harming, drinking, pushing me away, and trying to make me leave her. It started with her never wanting to see me anymore, saying she wanted to spend more time with her friends. Soon she never had more than an hour or two one or twice a week to spend with me. Then she began withholding physical contact, being reluctant to even hug me. She stopped saying she loved me with no explanation, and wouldn't own up to how she felt until I asked her if she was even hearing me when I said it.

When she got too impatient waiting for me to end the relationship, she finally did it herself, but it wasn't over 3 weeks before she came back asking to "fix things", saying she'd only pushed me away while planning suicide to make it easier to do it in the end. In spite of all the awful things she'd said and done to me trying to end my love for her, despite using me as her therapist and refusing to engage with real treatment for years, she thought things could be fixed. She thought I still loved her enough to come back.

Trust so thoroughly broken is not easily repaired. I refused.

Losing her was crushing, and it took me nearly a year to recover the confidence necessary to attempt dating again. I felt so unworthy, so unattractive, so terribly worthless. Suicide felt like a compelling option, at times the only thing stopping me being the thought of scarring forever the poor individual who found my remains. Healing came with time and discussion. Reconnecting with old, trustworthy friends was hard, but very worthwhile.

After much introspection, I've come out with a better understanding of a healthy relationship. I won't be used like that again. If she expects her feelings to always be valued over mine, she doesn't really love me, no matter what she says.

I'm sorry for the pain this has undoubtedly put you through. I don't know you, but it appears you are stronger and more caring than someone like that deserves. Happiness and love awaits you in your future. Someone will value you and care for you the way you value and care for those you love. Getting out there again isn't easy, but you can do it.

Hope I see you around here more. Take care, man.
 

Richie89

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Spending and revolving your life around with someone for 6 years and having it come to end relatively quick is hard.
I remember your girl buying you a laser at one point and don't know if your calling her a horrible person just from anger but if she was cutting herself and drinking then there was and is something going on in her life.
Couple's that been and lived together so long get programend to each other and tend to slowly drift away from other friendship's and now that it's over there's not to many friends to lean on or even get back into the old loop which makes you feel alone.
We have all been there and yes old saying time will heal is true. You are young and will see. Get back into the grove of hanging with some guy friends and not try to find an instant girl friend replacement.
You also have to relearn how to talk to girls again and will slowly see and like different quality's and personality's in them..
Help your parent's with the new home and visit them frequently:)
hah yeah she actually bought me several lasers if I remember correctly, im actually calling her horrible because of something else that I never told anyone except her parents and now the LPF community, she actually cheated on me in December of 2014. whats crazy is that when she cheated it was before I ever even bought my first laser. I cant believe it was so long ago that it was before I was ever a part of this community :( youre right though, time definitely heals. its been months and im finally getting over her. I do need to spend some time with guy friends and don't need to be looking for another replacement right now. thanks for replying and good to hear from you again :)
Happy to have you back, Richie. :)
Glad to see that you have put that dark time of your life behind you. (y)
We are all still here, and will be looking forward to you posting again.
yes its so good to be here again and talk to yall after what feels like a long time to me, thanks a lot Jeff :)
Important to be good to and take care of yourself.
You don't need the the associated stress from doing otherwise.

Sounds like you are on the mend. Good luck.
you're right I don't need that kind of stress and thanks so much for the words :)
I've never spoken with you before, OP, but nevertheless it's good to hear you're recovering from such an awful experience. I relate strongly and wish you nothing but the best.

A similar experience befell me not long ago with a girlfriend of two years. She too was self harming, drinking, pushing me away, and trying to make me leave her. It started with her never wanting to see me anymore, saying she wanted to spend more time with her friends. Soon she never had more than an hour or two one or twice a week to spend with me. Then she began withholding physical contact, being reluctant to even hug me. She stopped saying she loved me with no explanation, and wouldn't own up to how she felt until I asked her if she was even hearing me when I said it.

When she got too impatient waiting for me to end the relationship, she finally did it herself, but it wasn't over 3 weeks before she came back asking to "fix things", saying she'd only pushed me away while planning suicide to make it easier to do it in the end. In spite of all the awful things she'd said and done to me trying to end my love for her, despite using me as her therapist and refusing to engage with real treatment for years, she thought things could be fixed. She thought I still loved her enough to come back.

Trust so thoroughly broken is not easily repaired. I refused.

Losing her was crushing, and it took me nearly a year to recover the confidence necessary to attempt dating again. I felt so unworthy, so unattractive, so terribly worthless. Suicide felt like a compelling option, at times the only thing stopping me being the thought of scarring forever the poor individual who found my remains. Healing came with time and discussion. Reconnecting with old, trustworthy friends was hard, but very worthwhile.

After much introspection, I've come out with a better understanding of a healthy relationship. I won't be used like that again. If she expects her feelings to always be valued over mine, she doesn't really love me, no matter what she says.

I'm sorry for the pain this has undoubtedly put you through. I don't know you, but it appears you are stronger and more caring than someone like that deserves. Happiness and love awaits you in your future. Someone will value you and care for you the way you value and care for those you love. Getting out there again isn't easy, but you can do it.

Hope I see you around here more. Take care, man.
Oh wow! that's so crazy! yes those are the things I had left out, my ex was also considering suicide to end it an easy way for her, also completely stopped saying ''I love you'' to me weeks before the break up, I cant believe you just said all that, that's exactly what my situation was, I thought I was alone with this situation. thank you so much for sharing that with us all and most importantly thanks for sharing that with me buddy. I really appreciate the support you've given, especially since we just met on here. I know what you mean by it taking a year to fully recover, I think that's how long it will take me.
-Richie
 
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Oh wow! that's so crazy! yes those are the things I had left out, my ex was also considering suicide to end it an easy way for her, also completely stopped saying ''I love you'' to me weeks before the break up, I cant believe you just said all that, that's exactly what my situation was, I thought I was alone with this situation. thank you so much for sharing that with us all and most importantly thanks for sharing that with me buddy. I really appreciate the support you've given, especially since we just met on here. I know what you mean by it taking a year to fully recover, I think that's how long it will take me.
-Richie
Glad my shared experience can do something for you, however small. Also glad this didn't seem too forward for a second or third post on these forums. I'm always happy to discuss things like this, it's helpful for me too. Feel free to message me or otherwise converse if you like.
 

GSS

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As much as it hurt to be cheated on you showed character for saying with her..;)
On a tiny bright side you have more money for new lasers now instead of buying girl friend gifts:giggle:
 

Richie89

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Glad my shared experience can do something for you, however small. Also glad this didn't seem too forward for a second or third post on these forums. I'm always happy to discuss things like this, it's helpful for me too. Feel free to message me or otherwise converse if you like.
no not at all, im glad you did :) much appreciated.
 

Richie89

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As much as it hurt to be cheated on you showed character for saying with her..;)
On a tiny bright side you have more money for new lasers now instead of buying girl friend gifts:giggle:
ahahaha!! yeah youre right, I was just thinking that! instead of buying her a 200 dollar Xmas gift, ill treat myself to another Radiation Monster :D funny thing is that I purchased an NUBM08 nearly 2 months ago from Jordan and only got as far as thermally attaching it to a AL heatsink. ill finish it one of these days. haha
 

RedCowboy

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Along the road of life we will inevitably encounter painful events, this is something we all have in common and we can take solace in knowing that we are not alone in this, I won't carry on about all of my pain but know I have had my share and then some. Something I have been reminded of when sad is that things could be worse and one day likely will be, so be happy for what you have and try to make the most of it, remember that time heals and there are brighter days still ahead as you hang in there and grow strong again.
 

RedCowboy

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We all lose people if we live long enough and although I am not all that old ( half a century and where did the time go ) I am sick of funerals but I know I will likely have to attend a few more, it's just part of life's rich pageantry. Point is we all deal with loss and pain, we all know and will know how it feels and it always hurts, but we pick up and carry on as long as we live.
 

paul1598419

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I am sorry for your loss and the pain you have felt over this relationship, Richie. It is true that the pain we feel is always somehow connected to what our expectations were and once you have no expectations, you will get over it. I have been married three times and the loss of the first one hurt the worst at that time. But, we often attribute better than human qualities to the people we choose to love. I get more happiness out of my relationship with my daughter because it is a totally unconditional love and never depends on what she does or doesn't do to or for me. Women are no better than men when it comes to being faithful or bothering to work on a relationship, though some of us tend to think of them as being above all that. I'm glad you are on the mend. Sounds like you still have most of your life ahead of you, so take comfort in that thought and try to live in the present. Too many people tend to live in the past or for the future when life is happening now. Good luck to you, Richie.
 




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