The CHUCK NORRIS Thread!!

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I just had to So write your favorite Chuck Norris quotes.Not necessarily laser related(so we have more)
We already know that:
Everything blends, except Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris can blend everything without the help of the BlendTec blender.
Chuck Norris can see IR lasers.
Chuck Norris can see UV lasers.
Chuck Norris doesn't need laser goggles.

 

[nikokapo]

YES, Chuck Norris thread!!

Chuck Norris can get 100% discount cupons.
Chuck Norris can make DX ship him things in less than one day.
Chuck Norris fools April.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris beat an RPL-300 in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris has telekinesis.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris DOES have an IR filter.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris can make a Chuck Norris diffraction grating.
Chuck Norris can give himself +1 rep no matter which time limitation there is.
Chuck Norris has NaN Rep.
Chuck Norris can get Wicked Lasers to send him a 100% working laser.

 

[styropyro]

"Chuck Norris DOES have an IR filter."

Hehe!

 

[nikokapo]

;D ;D ;D

not that easy to create chuck norris facts related to lasers

 

[Ifrgtmyname]

chuck norris can reverse a diode

chuck norris has no need to harvest diodes, he just orders the LD out

the only warning label on chuck's laser is his name

Wicked Lasers claims to be run by Chuck Norris- Chuck Norris laughs at this statement because everyone knows chuck norris never fails

 

[charleytown55il]

YOU PASS!!!

 

[lazed]

Kind of random, but:

Everyone knows the magic word is please, as in "Please don't kill me." Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not believe in magic.

That's all I got for now

 

[nikokapo]

Chuck Norris can make a black laser.

Chuck Norris can create a scanner with his fist.

Chuck Norris bounces a beam back.

Chuck Norris measures laser peak power with his chest hair.

 

[Ifrgtmyname]

Chuck Norris doesn't need a voltage regulator- chuck can regulate voltage himself

Chuck norris can solder with his breath any use his spit as flux

Chuck Norris can tell his laser to focus

Chuck Norris does not have a multi-meter because that would imply he could fail- Chuck Norris does not fail

 

[Switch]

Chuck Norris has a 52x blu-ray burner
Chuck Norris can combine two 200mW lasers into one 401mW beam
Chuck Norris has perfect collimation lenses that make 0 divergence and lose no power.

 

[CL_]

u know whats under his beard? a 3rd fist, and its holding a 50 tera-watt br burner ;D

 

[Switch]

Chuck Norris can fluoresce in any wavelength he wants.
Chuck Norris can glow in the dark.
Chuck Norris sees all wavelengths as bright as 555nm.
Chuck Norris has scotopic and photopic vision at the same time.
Chuck Norris can FIRE HIS LAZER without CHARGING IT.
;D

 

[CL_]

YES, Chuck Norris thread!!

Chuck Norris can get 100% discount cupons.
Chuck Norris can make DX ship him things in less than one day.
Chuck Norris fools April.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris beat an RPL-300 in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris has telekinesis.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris DOES have an IR filter.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris can make a Chuck Norris diffraction grating.
Chuck Norris can give himself +1 rep no matter which time limitation there is.
Chuck Norris has NaN Rep.
Chuck Norris can get Wicked Lasers to send him a 100% working laser.

haha i just read this one, its great especially the one about killing 2 stones and how he doesnt love raymond ..... lol!

 

[Dingers]

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
There are no steroids in baseball or the NFL. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Some I've picked out =)

 

[Switch]

Chuck Norris holds the world record for the most powerful handheld laser as all other world records.The records stated in Guiness' Book are just the closest anyone has ever come to Chuck Norris' records.

Light is the fastest thing know to man simply because Chuck Norris is above speed and beyond fast.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris isn't affraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.That's why Chuck Norris glows in the dark.
David Blaine cannot pull card tricks on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can touch this!
If you spell Chuck Norris at scrabble, you win.
Every time you spam, Chuck Norris kills a kitten.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer but Chuck Norris never cries, not because Chuck Norris can't, but because last time Chuck Norris cried Noah had to build an ark. ;D

Chuck Norris owns LaserGlow, Optotronics and NovaLasers

 

[happytomato]

Chuck norris is: