Limerics

[RawPaul]

Since we're rolling strong on the jokes thread, I was intrested in seeing who could come up with good limerics. Please keep it halfway clean; the kids are watching and hopfully the Mods will sticky it.
So here goes...

Here I sit broken hearted,
Tried to crap, but only farted.
But better by far than take the chance
To try to fart and crap my pants,
leaving my shorts sharted

 

[Teej]

Re: Lymrics

Here I sit, broke and incoherent
Wanted a laser, but still feared it

Learned that lasers burn can through cash
Before they can burn with a flash

Paypal'd Tmack my current currency
Am awaiting my new-found coherency

:beer:

 

[COMMANDR]

Re: Lymrics

One of my favs.

Balls, said the Queen
If I had two I would be King.
But the King laughed,
Not because he had too
But he had two.

 

[RawPaul]

Re: Lymrics

Don't forget (like I did) the rhyme scheme of a lymric. AA BB A , five lines 1st, 2nd and 5th, rhyme 3&4 rhyme.

 

[Teej]

Re: Lymrics

Don't forget (like I did) the rhyme scheme of a lymric. AA BB A , five lines 1st, 2nd and 5th, rhyme 3&4 rhyme.

I did forget.

 

[Hemlock_Mike]

While sitting with the duchess at tea,
She asked "do you fart when you pee"?
I said with some wit, "do you belch when you sx1t"?
and felt quite one up on she.
HMike

 

[COMMANDR]

While sitting with the duchess at tea,
She asked "do you fart when you pee"?
I said with some wit, "do you belch when you sx1t"?
and felt quite one up on she.
HMike

Your a sick puppy Hemlock. :>)

 

[RawPaul]

Whilesitting with the duchess at tea, She asked "do you fart when you pee"? I said with some wit, "do you belch when you sx1t"? and felt quiteoneup on she. HMike

Hilarious

There once was a man from Fife,
Who never smiled in all his life.
They thought he was rude,
this arrogant dude,
Until they would meet his wife.

 

[Flaminpyro]

There once was a young lady named Bright

Whose speed was much faster than light

She set out one day

In a relative way

And returned on the previous night.

 

[Teej]

Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.

 

[Teej]

While watching a cannonball's motion,
Galileo conceived of the notion
That natural laws,
Not a mystical Cause,
Ruled the physical world's locomotion.

Though its own view was mostly confused,
The Church was not greatly amused
With this flaunting of Deo
By old Galileo
And ordered it quickly defused.

So the Pope sent some priests who inquired
If it wouldn't be best he retired?
"Undoubtedly you know
What we did for Bruno;
Do you also wish to be fired?"

He asked an old Cardinal's opinion:
"Pray tell me, Your Grace, if you will then,
Does this mean what I think?
That henceforth I must shrink
From discussing my clever perception?"

Said Bellarmine, "No, it is not a ban;
If you want to keep teaching of course you can.
They merely have said
To take care where you tread
And smile when you say thing Copernican."

Unbeknownst to our venerable dissident
The records said something quite different.
When the Pope saw the note
The inquisitors wrote
He lost what remained of his temperament.

The message the Vatican sent
Was blunt in its stated intent
"Recant all this heresy
Quick or we' harass thee,
Now 'til your life has been spent."

In facing the dread inquisition,
Few men could defend their position;
So it shouldn't surprise
When we are apprised
Of old Galileo's decision.

"Explaining celestial motion
Needs more than just faith and devotion.
But to save my poor head
I'll recant what I've said
(Though I'll secretly keep to my notion)".

So our friend the illustrious Florentine
Spent his last years in Vatican quarantine,
Locked up in his home
By the prelates of Rome
For being a cosmical libertine.

The Church caused a major imbroglio
By correcting Copernicus' folio
Yet it couldn't discern
The abuse it would earn
In forbidding the whole Dialogo?

By killing Sidereus Nuncius
For the news that their views were defunctus,
The renaissance ended
And darkness descended
Upon the Dominican dunces.

In spite of the Vatican's dissuasion
Galileo still rose to the occasion.
Though once deemed heretical,
He proved more prophetical
Than those of a clerical persuasion.

 

[Hemlock_Mike]

Just WOW on this !!!!
HMike

 

[Flaminpyro]

There was an old man with a beard

Who said, "it's just how I feared"

Two owls and a hen

Four larks and a wren

Have all built there nests in my beard.

 

[Teej]

Another great Dane has made free
With a question of Be or Not be.
Now might Schr"dinger's puss,
In descending by Schuss,
Leave one track on each side of a tree?

 

[COMMANDR]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's d--k was so long .........

Oh wait........ this is a little to colorful for most here. :>)

But it is a classic

 

[Hemlock_Mike]

There once was a hermit named dave
Who --- well you know ----------
HMike