joke

two travelers stop for the night to camp under the stars. They boil some water to cook a few eggs they had found.

Two ranchers on horseback ride up.
They are offer to share the eggs but the ranchers say nothing.

When asked if anything is wrong they respond--'no thanks- we don't

take kindly to poachers around here'

i got it the second time. Anyone get it on the first?

yep, I did.



A little boy walks into his parents room one night to find his father lying flat on his back and his mom sitting on his father jumping up and down.

The stunned boy said "mommy what are you doing to daddy"?

embarrassed the mother searches for an excuse and says to her son, I'm flattening down daddy's belly so he can get slim.

so the little boy says "mommy you are wasting your time"

Mom then said "what ever do you mean?"

that's when the little boy said to her, every day when you go out, the neighbor lady comes over and just blows it back up.

haha thats a good one

I didn't get it. LOL i hope it's because my english is not that good.

Want to be flooded from very bad jokes ?

"Mamy, daddy is bad" - "Shut up and eat, there's nothing other today"

"How do you call a flying elephant ?" - "Jumbo jet"

"If a man fall, a star can say a wish ?"

"I don't pick up your offense only cause i've not seen where it fallen"

"Is the robber car, take the tag number !" - "And if after he want it back ?"

"What you can produce with wood ?" - "Trees"

"Shooting in all the directions, can i kill all the directors ?"

"If nothing is better than sex, and a solitaire (card game) is better than nothing, then a solitaire is better than sex ?"

"I've made a test on a newspaper and it said that i'm the ideal man for all the women" - "How do you have reached that result ?" - "Easy, i lied to all the questions"

"When i was a kid, my parents changed home 12 times ..... but i was able to found them all the times"

"Doctors made all the possible, but i'm survived the same"

A politician at the airport: "Do you have something to declare ?" - "Sure, where is the microphone ?"

"I've not found any hair on your clothes ..... are you betraying me with a bald woman ?"

" ..... and for the rest of your life, you have to take one of these pills each day" - "But, doctor, there are only 6 pills in the vial" - "Oh, don't be preoccupied, they're more than enough ....."

"I can shut up in 30 different idiomes"

"Lady, you was driving at 200 Km/hour" - "Impossible, i'm driving only from 10 minutes ....."

"How much jokes exists about policemen ?" - "2, all the rest are just facts"

"He's not a perfect idiot, only cause none is perfect"


..... and you're lucky, cause 90% of the ones that i know, are word jokes that have a sense only in Italian, and i have no ways for translate them ..... :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:


:crackup:

HIMNL9 said:

"Mamy, daddy is bad" - "Shut up and eat, there's nothing other today"

Click to expand...

Ow the mamy jokes, I love them! :crackup:

"Mamy I don't wanna make holidays in Australia anymore" -"Shut up and swim on"

"Mamy I don't like to play with Granpa" - "Shut up and put away the bones"

hakzaw1 said:

two travelers stop for the night to camp under the stars. They boil some water to cook a few eggs they had found.

Two ranchers on horseback ride up.
They are offer to share the eggs but the ranchers say nothing.

When asked if anything is wrong they respond--'no thanks- we don't

take kindly to poachers around here'

Click to expand...

I still don't get this one :undecided:

Poach (like many words) has many definitions. The two the apply here are

"to take game or fish illegally."

"to cook (eggs, fish, fruits, etc.) in a hot liquid that is kept just below the boiling point."

Had to go the the Dr. the other day

He asked me to remove my shoes & socks and he asked what happened to my toes?

I told him that on my right foot as a child I had Toelio---he asked- you mean Polio-- I said Idunno.
He asked about my other foot and I said I told him as a child I had Toeberculosis--

he didnt ask more but did asked me to remove my pants.

Noticing something odd about my knees- I told him as a child I got Kneasles on one side and Kneemonia on the other. He asked do you mean Measels and Pneumonia?-- I said I dunno.

He asked me to remove my shorts and immediatly remarked--'Well...At least as a child you did not catch 'Smallcox'!!:wave:

He left the room and a cat wandered in and circled me a few time before leaving.

Then a black retriever dog came in and did the same.

When I went to pay the bill i noiced two charges for 100$ each added on and asked 'what are these for'?

I was told those were for the Catscan and Lab work.....:crackup:

(stolen inpart from Buddy Hackett)

hakzaw1 said:

Had to go the the Dr. the other day

He asked me to remove my shoes & socks and he asked what happened to my toes?

I told him that on my right foot as a child I had Toelio---he asked- you mean Polio-- I said Idunno.
He asked about my other foot and I said I told him as a child I had Toeberculosis--

he didnt ask more but did asked me to remove my pants.

Noticing something odd about my knees- I told him as a child I got Kneasles on one side and Kneemonia on the other. He asked do you mean Measels and Pneumonia?-- I said I dunno.

He asked me to remove my shorts and immediatly remarked--'Well...At least as a child you did not catch 'Smallcox'!!:wave:

He left the room and a cat wandered in and circled me a few time before leaving.

Then a black retriever dog came in and did the same.

When I went to pay the bill i noiced two charges for 100$ each added on and asked 'what are these for'?

I was told those were for the Catscan and Lab work.....:crackup:

(stolen inpart from Buddy Hackett)

Click to expand...

Lol BRILLIANT!

I went to the doctor with badly blistered feet and blood pooring from my ear. When he asked me what happened I told him that I had been eating a boil-in-the-bag rice meal. Confused, the doctor asked how I got my injuries from eating a boil-in-the-bag rice meal.

I told him that the instructions told me to, "pierce ear and stand in boiling water!"




Did you hear about the Irish inventor who invented powdered water but didn't know what to add?



An Irishman walks into a library and asks, in a loud voice, "Fish and chips twice please!". The librarian looks at the man, horrified. She says in hushed tones, "But this is a library". The man looks around and then whispers, "Sorry, fish and chips twice please"



A seal walks into a club... !


M

The Irish Ballerina

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in
Dublin . She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What
man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at
the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the
counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,
revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will
buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina!"

John arrives at work, makes a coffee and turns on his computer. He logs in but an error is returned "incorrect password, try again". He tries again and again but no cigar.

John calls help-desk explains his problem. Jane suggests he check his caps lock key. John checks and no, caps lock is not on. Jane suggests John tell her the password so she may try.

"My password is MickeyMouseMineeMouseHewieDewieLewiePlutoGoofyandShrek" John replies....

Bloody hell says Jane!

Why did you choose such a ridiculousness long password?!!!

John replies "last time I had to change it I was told I had to use at least 7 characters"....

How do you keep a goofy dude in suspense?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get the Teflon to stick to frying pans?

If humans colonizes Mars, what will they call the mains earth pin?