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Old 03-20-2010, 09:26 PM #161
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Default Re: Win thread

5 sec vids made me lol


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Old 03-20-2010, 10:37 PM #162
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Default Re: Win thread

Tips for WIN YouTube - How to win Bar Fights by Bas Rutten
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Old 03-21-2010, 04:51 AM #163
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Default Re: Win thread



So true...
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Old 03-21-2010, 04:06 PM #164
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Default Re: Win thread

I found lemonade at the store yesterday that had a whopping 11% juice
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Old 03-22-2010, 09:58 AM #165
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Default Re: Win thread

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I've been in bar fights, and you would go to jail for those moves. So I'd say that was a fail.
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Old 03-22-2010, 01:50 PM #166
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Default Re: Win thread

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I've been in bar fights, and you would go to jail for those moves. So I'd say that was a fail.

People who haven't actually been in a bar fight, think that it is serious business. (It's kill or be killed)

People who have been in more than one bar fight think that is it just a cheap floor show. (It's just something to do when there are not enough women in the bar that night)

Peace,
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Old 03-22-2010, 04:05 PM #167
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Default Re: Win thread

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People who haven't actually been in a bar fight, think that it is serious business. (It's kill or be killed)

People who have been in more than one bar fight think that is it just a cheap floor show. (It's just something to do when there are not enough women in the bar that night)

Peace,
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Very true. Most drunks you can push over. No need to pull out the death moves. LMAO

I'm usually the biggest guy in the bar. So naturally I'm usually the focal point of the drunks, and I've only been in a couple of mild scuffles. I was bar hopping 6 days a week for years. Everyone talks big when they are drunk, but usually they cant stand straight. The crazy situations I've been in were always with my psycho brother, and even then nothing really bad happened in the end. IE Jail, hospital, grave.
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Old 03-23-2010, 01:22 AM #168
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Default Re: Win thread

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Very true. Most drunks you can push over. No need to pull out the death moves. LMAO

I'm usually the biggest guy in the bar. So naturally I'm usually the focal point of the drunks, and I've only been in a couple of mild scuffles. I was bar hopping 6 days a week for years. Everyone talks big when they are drunk, but usually they cant stand straight. The crazy situations I've been in were always with my psycho brother, and even then nothing really bad happened in the end. IE Jail, hospital, grave.
Awww... there goes my lively idealism...
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Old 03-24-2010, 04:19 PM #169
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Default Re: Win thread

[IMG]http://images.shoutwire.com/pic_full/***_jpgedb9c186-99bc-4c56-b261-5bbd59822e21.jpg[/IMG]

Win or fail, made me giggle.
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Old 03-24-2010, 09:10 PM #170
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Default Re: Win thread

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Originally Posted by Tech_Junkie View Post
Very true. Most drunks you can push over. No need to pull out the death moves. LMAO

I'm usually the biggest guy in the bar. So naturally I'm usually the focal point of the drunks, and I've only been in a couple of mild scuffles. I was bar hopping 6 days a week for years. Everyone talks big when they are drunk, but usually they cant stand straight. The crazy situations I've been in were always with my psycho brother, and even then nothing really bad happened in the end. IE Jail, hospital, grave.

me too man.. my fights go like this.... guy walks by my bro, my bro punches guy, guys friends punch me.

hmmm this really should be in the fail section but what evs..

@cyparagon.... takes fis**ng to a whole new level. WIN
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Old 03-25-2010, 03:08 PM #171
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Default Re: Win thread

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Originally Posted by Bandanna View Post
Awww... there goes my lively idealism...
More like disillusionment.
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Old 03-27-2010, 02:11 PM #172
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Default Re: Win thread



Peace,
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Old 04-26-2010, 05:14 PM #173
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Default Re: Win thread

This is a great win for the penguin. They better be glad the whales didn't go after the rubber boat.

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Old 04-26-2010, 05:57 PM #174
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Default Re: Win thread

I would marry the watermelon girl.
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Old 04-29-2010, 06:28 PM #175
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Default Re: Win thread

Win-shovel:
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Old 04-29-2010, 07:35 PM #176
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Default Re: Win thread

Quote:
I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good ***. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
Quote:
<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”

<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. <Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.


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