Pick-up lines

A man walks into a bar and sits next to an attractive lady. He tells her that just by looking at the time on his magic watch, he knows all her secrets. She says, "Oh yeah? Prove it." So the man says, "Well, I know you're not wearing any panties right now." She says, "You're wrong! Actually, I AM wearing panties right now!" The man says, "Damn, this watch must be an hour fast!"

-Mark

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I cum here often? Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

i work for ups, and id like to deliver my package to you.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
What time do you get off? Can I watch?
How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Im like domino's pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.


jersey shore review - next is snooki, you know they say big things come in small packages, yea i bet alot of guys came in her package. OHHHHHHHH.

Hey there, do you live around here often?

Are you walking or working? < works every time.

Hi, my name is Dr. (your name) can I buy you a condo?

Did you just eat a tuna sandwich or is that your crotch? Either way I'm hungry.

I have prostate cancer surgery tomorrow, and am looking for a kind girl to make my last night as a man special.

Hey look, I'll pay ya for it. OK?

My van broke down and I need an extra person to get the puppies out of the back.

I bet you cant do 4 shots in a row.

Wow, you look 21. If you cant drink here, I have some beer and weed back at my place. (This works more than you would think LOL.)

Excuse me, did you drop this $20 bill? I think I saw another one by my car.

I know they dont look like aspirin, these work better.

I'm a jewelry salesman, I have some free samples in the trunk of my car.

Heads I win, tails you lose.

I found these somewhere, haven't tried them yet:

Your lab bench, or mine?

Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm

Wanna couple our equations tonight?

I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

Might I integrate your curves tonight?

I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?

I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?

You're more special than relativity.

Top quark or bottom quark?

That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2

Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?

Can I have your significant digits?

Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.

Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.

Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.

Your almost as hot as my laser pointing at my hand.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.

nikokapo said:

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Click to expand...

HumanSymphony said:

Click to expand...

hahahahaha,



First time I saw that:
http://laserpointerforums.com/f57/oh-man-oh-god-oh-man-oh-god-43478.html

ZRTMWA said:

hahahahaha,



First time I saw that:
http://laserpointerforums.com/f57/oh-man-oh-god-oh-man-oh-god-43478.html

Click to expand...

I made the gif for Mikeeey. It's like his favorite video ever lol

looks like hes saying oh man, o sh*t...

Do you want to put my glasses on and see me home?

Bluefan said:

Top quark or bottom quark?

Click to expand...

**Insert some joke about using your charm to get some strange**

pullbangdead said:

**Insert some joke about using your charm to get some strange**

Click to expand...

Hows about "flavors"?

This reminds me of an old Hawkwind album "Quark, Strangness and Charm", and I just happen to HAVE IT circa 1977, am I showing my age here?

"How would you like a child-support check?"

Works every time.