Old 01-07-2015, 05:40 PM #4209
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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Originally Posted by Teej View Post
OK, so your previous comments about gays was meant to say that they will go to heaven as long as they repented for being made by god to prefer the same gender...as opposed to them going to hell no matter what.

So, Hitler, who was a very religious Catholic, most certainly repented and went to Heaven, but, Mahatma Gandhi, who never accepted Jesus, went to Hell...

...sounds fair.



I mean, if you were a god, you would think that's a reasonable way to run things, right?


You'd have it so the MOST important thing about YOUR religion is that you believe in it....and EVERYTHING else is second.

Living a good life, being altruistic, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, etc...nope, just believe and you go to heaven.

Be a good person, and go to hell UNLESS you accept Jesus. Be a bad person, and, GO to HEAVEN, as long as you accept Jesus.


Yeah, sounds like the sort of religion an all knowing all powerful, just and merciful supernatural entity would think is perfect.


So, lets see how that worked:

1) Create EVERYTHING.

2) Make ONE of the things a man. Take a part of that man and make a woman, even though it would only have male DNA.

3) DO NOT give the only two people on the planet knowledge, of mortality, of what is right or wrong, but, tell them not to do something, or they "Will Surely Die".

So, they don't know what death is, its never happened. They don't know what is right or wrong, as they were MADE w/o that knowledge.

4) Send a talking snake (Yes, a talking snake....) to convince Eve to eat the apple. Eve has no knowledge of what right and wrong is, and, the snake says to eat it, so she does.

5) Eve, who you made w/o knowledge of right and wrong, did something wrong...because you sent a talking snake to convince her to.

She also got Adam to eat it, so, now people have knowledge, and, now they realize God is T-O at them, and...

6) God punishes them by giving girls periods and painful births, and making men work for a living...

Snakes never get periods or have to sweat their brows, they get off scott free....having done god's dirty work for him.

7) As for the the "You will surely Die" part, oh, yeah, they live 900 years or so.

8) There must be Muskrat and Giraffe and Monkey (Etc) Eves too, because, apparently, God ALSO gave all the girl mammals periods and painful births TOO!

9) So, Eve ate something she was told not to, and then told to, before she knew it was wrong, and, all of humanity was punished forever because of it.

Really, that's fair too?

10) A coupla thousand years later, ~ 1,000 years after Adam/Eve FINALLY (Surely) died...

God makes part of himself his own son, and, has him run a rebellion against the Romans, but, he gets caught, and, executed by being nailed to a cross.

God then says that he died for your sin of Eve being tricked, by God, into eating the apple.

So, God was Dead (Go Team Nietzsche!), or, Jesus was not God (Go Team Everyone else on the planet!)...just a mortal who COULD be killed (Go Team God!)...

...or he DID NOT DIE, and, therefore, COULD NOT HAVE died for anyone's sin of having an ancestor who ate an apple.

11) After he died/was temporarily impaled for the sin of gaining knowledge/apple consumption, people still had knowledge, and, woman still had periods and painful labor, and, men still had to work.

So, he was at least temporarily impaled for your sins, but, his dad kept the punishment in place, even for girl Giraffes.

Snakes still don't have periods or have to get jobs.

Technically, WOMEN DON'T have to work by the sweat of their brows...so, technically, except for the monthly and prodigy related pains...they should be able to simply live w/o working. (The idea of woman working for a living was not on the radar to Bronze Age men who wrote this stuff).

12) A new religion is formed, which consists solely of believing the above, and, asking forgiveness for not following the rules....which the Church will change from time to time given the political and socioeconomic climate, etc....and the reward is to never die, to be immortal, living in heaven...instead of on earth...or to temporarily die, perhaps like Jesus, and then BE god, or, at least sort of be a god, considering that you're now immortal like a god, etc.

Or maybe you get to be a mythical creature that looks like a baby with wings even though it is not bound by gravity, and they definitely would not work so as to allow flight in of themselves?





PS - Couldn't we just throw some virgins into a Volcano? It makes more sense really. Intact hymens obviously block eruptions of molten rocks in a way that broken hymens can only dream of....and we can see volcanoes and virgins, but talking snakes are in such short supply.
Not that I believe the Hitler repented, but if he did, then this is how it goes down. Hitler becomes holy in Gods sight because of Jesus if he repented and placed his trust in Jesus.
The other dude, if he didn't repent, he's going straight to hell, because he was angry, or bitter, or lied, etc.


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Old 01-07-2015, 06:39 PM #4210
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

This thread is so full of win. I cant stop laughing!
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Old 01-08-2015, 12:29 AM #4211
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

HA, as if "trust jesus" doesn't entail a whole other list of "do this and this and this..."

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Originally Posted by USAbro View Post
on the other hand, I have a chance and you have none.
Wrong. You also have zero chance because there are infinite possible gods.

0/∞ is zero
1/∞ is also zero. Not just close to zero, but MATHEMATICALLY zero.
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Old 01-08-2015, 12:47 AM #4212
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

What this thread is supposed to be:


What this thread really is:


(Don't take that offensively, I'm just joking )

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Old 01-08-2015, 12:51 AM #4213
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

dont understand the whole "protect the line to Jesus" thing.

1. If he decended from a line of men, why did he not also carry original sin? (thus negating his worth as a "pure" sacrifice)

2. He was not even really Joseph's son, so why would protecting the line up to Joseph be important if Joseph does not contribute sperm?
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Old 01-08-2015, 01:50 AM #4214
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Talking Re: LPF's Religion

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Originally Posted by Shakenawake View Post
dont understand the whole "protect the line to Jesus" thing.

1. If he decended from a line of men, why did he not also carry original sin?

2. He was not even really Joseph's son, so why would protecting the line up to Joseph be important if he does not contribute sperm.

OBVIOUSLY, Joe Sperm was involved.

The original language said Mary was a young woman, not a virgin, and it was TRANSLATED/EDITED to virgin because the church wanted it to be more like the other gods who had virgin births they based the religion on, etc.

Its not a MIS-translation either, it was changed. Virginity was a REALLY big deal back in the Bronze Age, etc...and, the word for virgin was quite clear and the words for young woman were quite clear...and the original says the word for young woman, and the edited version says virgin.

The line was protected because back when there was a sperm loaded Joe, Joe didn't KNOW that 300 years LATER the Catholic Church would rob him of his son, and, promote the wee lad to a god....so, his son's bloodline was protected...as all son's line's were back then. The Jews were big on bloodlines, especially the ones from Moses and the high priests...and if you inherited a "good one", you defended it to the death...as, there were rights and privileges accorded the top lines, and, not to the others.


So, back then, your god, if appearing in man-form, had to have a virgin birth to be credible (ironically...). So, ~ 300 years or so after her baby was born, Mary got her hymen stitched back together by the Catholic Church, and got to sing that Madonna song (ironically...).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100#t=32






As an aside...if Muslim, and, you die and get your 72 virgins, and, you are dead forever...I'm thinking, ok, after ~ 72 times, you don't have 72 virgins anymore....you are stuck with 72 progressively bitchy non-virgins...FOREVER. I'm assuming that only MEN get to heaven and get 72 virgins...there's never a mention of what woman get....so, all women go to hell.

Their hell is to die a virgin, and then get banged by a guy who blew up a school bus of jewish kids so he could get to heaven and get his 72 virgins....and then spend eternity blaming you for not being a virgin anymore...and whining that he martyred himself for THIS?




The ancient tribes were SO obsessed with hymens, every frickin religion from that time period has a gazillion hymen related complications.

I mean, I've seen them, and, well, they're mostly in the way and make things messy. In ancient times, I think it all had to revolve around the men not wanting to raise someone else's kid...so, as the men were writing the rules...if a woman was raped, she was guilty of losing her virginity, and her family would kill her because of the shame she brought upon them, etc. (NO other guy's kid to raise, done deal)

God had to have a virgin too of course, no sloppy seconds for the Holy Trinity.



Oh crap, wait, Jesus is also god...and, that means....he impregnated his own mother!

I bet His father and that Holy Ghost were there too. Man, some kinky stuff went down....a foursome, at the same time...all in the same reproductive orifice (But maybe sharing the same penetrating reproductive device that doesn't rupture the hymen?.

WHAT would Mary be yelling during THAT episode?

Oh....what? Oh God? Father? Ghost? Jesus? Ow?

I'm guessing more like "Joseph!"


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Old 01-08-2015, 02:12 AM #4215
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakenawake View Post
dont understand the whole "protect the line to Jesus" thing.

1. If he decended from a line of men, why did he not also carry original sin?

2. He was not even really Joseph's son, so why would protecting the line up to Joseph be important if he does not contribute sperm.
Duh, he didn't come from a man. Mary was virgin.

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Old 01-08-2015, 02:13 AM #4216
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teej View Post
OBVIOUSLY, Joe Sperm was involved.

The original language said Mary was a young woman, not a virgin, and it was TRANSLATED/EDITED to virgin because the church wanted it to be more like the other gods who had virgin births they based the religion on, etc.

Its not a MIS-translation either, it was changed. Virginity was a REALLY big deal back in the Bronze Age, etc...and, the word for virgin was quite clear and the words for young woman were quite clear...and the original says the word for young woman, and the edited version says virgin.

The line was protected because back when there was a sperm loaded Joe, Joe didn't KNOW that 300 years LATER the Catholic Church would rob him of his son, and, promote the wee lad to a god....so, his son's bloodline was protected...as all son's line's were back then. The Jews were big on bloodlines, especially the ones from Moses and the high priests...and if you inherited a "good one", you defended it to the death...as, there were rights and privileges accorded the top lines, and, not to the others.


So, back then, your god, if appearing in man-form, had to have a virgin birth to be credible (ironically...). So, ~ 300 years or so after her baby was born, Mary got her hymen stitched back together by the Catholic Church, and got to sing that Madonna song (ironically...).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100#t=32






As an aside...if Muslim, and, you die and get your 72 virgins, and, you are dead forever...I'm thinking, ok, after ~ 72 times, you don't have 72 virgins anymore....you are stuck with 72 progressively bitchy non-virgins...FOREVER. I'm assuming that only MEN get to heaven and get 72 virgins...there's never a mention of what woman get....so, all women go to hell.

Their hell is to die a virgin, and then get banged by a guy who blew up a school bus of jewish kids so he could get to heaven and get his 72 virgins....and then spend eternity blaming you for not being a virgin anymore...and whining that he martyred himself for THIS?




The ancient tribes were SO obsessed with hymens, every frickin religion from that time period has a gazillion hymen related complications.

I mean, I've seen them, and, well, they're mostly in the way and make things messy. In ancient times, I think it all had to revolve around the men not wanting to raise someone else's kid...so, as the men were writing the rules...if a woman was raped, she was guilty of losing her virginity, and her family would kill her because of the shame she brought upon them, etc. (NO other guy's kid to raise, done deal)

God had to have a virgin too of course, no sloppy seconds for the Holy Trinity.



Oh crap, wait, Jesus is also god...and, that means....he impregnated his own mother!

I bet His father and that Holy Ghost were there too. Man, some kinky stuff went down.
It says that the holy spirit came upon Mary plus several other things.
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Old 01-08-2015, 02:22 AM #4217
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Talking Re: LPF's Religion

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Originally Posted by USAbro View Post
Duh, he didn't come from a man. Mary was virgin.
Oh, OK, that explains it then.



So was Jesus a man, or, a supernatural being who just looked like a man?

If he was a man, he COULD be killed by crucifixion for example.
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Old 01-08-2015, 02:35 AM #4218
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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Originally Posted by Teej View Post
Oh, OK, that explains it then.



So was Jesus a man, or, a supernatural being who just looked like a man?

If he was a man, he COULD be killed by crucifixion for example.
Short answer-He was God in the form of a man.

Jesus=God in the form of a man
God the Father=God in the form of head of the trinity
God the Spirit=God in the form of a spirit.

I'll say it straight. There really isn't a logical explanation, that's just how it is.

God the Father said, "This is my son, whom I love."

They're all God at the same level, but three separate persons. I don't know. It's kind of hard for me to conceptualize. I just believe it because he says so.

Edit: I'm getting the feeling you don't actually want to learn, your just wasting my time asking these silly questions. Go read the Bible for yourself, do some research, and then come back and slander it.

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Old 01-08-2015, 03:11 AM #4219
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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.... There really isn't a logical explanation.....I just believe it because he says so.
thanks for confirming. I suspected as much. what a great reason to believe something

Quote:
Originally Posted by USAbro View Post
Duh, he didn't come from a man. Mary was virgin.
still didnt answer the question: WHY WAS IT IMPORTANT TO PROTECT THE LINE TO JESUS IF HE WAS CONCIEVED BY GOD, NOT JOSEPH?
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Old 01-08-2015, 03:12 AM #4220
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

Why does God's creation (you) act like they no more than the creator!?! You are the created! You lack the thinking capabilities to even understand, and so do I! So let's end it now!
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Old 01-08-2015, 03:27 AM #4221
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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Why does God's creation (you) act like they no more than the creator!?! You are the created! You lack the thinking capabilities to even understand, and so do I! So let's end it now!
That's your opinion, others may not share it.
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Old 01-08-2015, 03:45 AM #4222
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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As an aside...if Muslim, and, you die and get your 72 virgins, and, you are dead forever...I'm thinking, ok, after ~ 72 times, you don't have 72 virgins anymore....you are stuck with 72 progressively bitchy non-virgins...FOREVER. I'm assuming that only MEN get to heaven and get 72 virgins...there's never a mention of what woman get....so, all women go to hell.

Their hell is to die a virgin, and then get banged by a guy who blew up a school bus of jewish kids so he could get to heaven and get his 72 virgins....and then spend eternity blaming you for not being a virgin anymore...and whining that he martyred himself for THIS?
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do $exually, can I have 72 whores?

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because ass holes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of $ex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite $exually hungry; and frankly, you'll be on a constant and very exhausting duty."

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

Allah replied quizingly, "Who told you they were women?"

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It says that the holy spirit came upon Mary plus several other things.
Please choose your words more carefully.
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Old 01-08-2015, 03:46 AM #4223
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

Okay. Well that is what this thread is for. Why are we arguing. Let's just stop discussing it, as we will never agree.
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Old 01-08-2015, 04:03 AM #4224
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Default Re: LPF's Religion

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Why are we arguing.
It's the hope that people will change each others views
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