Jokes thread!

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[NightExplorer96]

Source: Funny Jokes | $10 Complaint Joke | Comedy Central

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"



-Alex

 

[VirtueViolater]

Did ya hear about the blind skunk that fell in love with a fart?

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[Richie89]

You know what my grandfather said right before he kicked the bucket?.. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket.

 

[Richie89]

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The porcupine has it's pricks on the outside. -YouTube comment


-Alex

Lmao I would rep but It won't let me

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

Actually that's a function of the forum script not working properly. If you put a sufficient number of smilies next to each other spacing is thrown off. Given all the time you spend here, you'd think you'd have learned that by now. Guess not. What's the saying? There's no cure for stupid... :crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup::crackup:

 

[Alaskan]

Only visualgreen "crazyjay" would be so quick to judge and point fingers, he just sent me two PM's asking for anal s...

 

[NightExplorer96]

Lmao I would rep but It won't let me

You are welcome! :yh:

-Alex

 

[NightExplorer96]

Asian father joke :yh:

-Alex

 

[NightExplorer96]

-Alex

 

[Dr_Evil]

Three nuns die in a car crash and they stand in front of Saint Peter.

Saint Peter says "before I can let you into heaven I have to ask you one question each. If you get it right, you may enter."

The first nun goes up.
Saint Peter asks "who was the first man on earth?"
The nun says "Adam." Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."

The second nun goes up.
Saint Peter asks "who was the first woman on earth?"
The nun says "Eve." Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."

The third nun stands up.
Saint Peter says "now you are the head nun so your question is a bit harder."
What did eve say when she first saw Adam?
The head nun thinks and says "hmmmmm, that is a hard one."
Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."

 

[Zathras]

Stop me if you've heard this.

Trump & Clinton are in a boat,
The boat capsizes putting both in the water,

Who survives?

(answer later today)

We have a winner! ding.ding.ding.

Congrats Dr_Evil. No prize though, only a 'tip of the hat'.

 

[Dr_Evil]

The country does.

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[VirtueViolater]

A tourist was in a small Mexican town one night, on his way to meet a friend at a bar. He was running late and had accidently left his watch in his room. He spied a fellow sitting on the sidewalk against the wall beside a donkey, a laser in his lap. He walked over to the fellow and asked "excuse me, do you know what time it is?" The fellow said cee, then lifted the donkeys balls with one hand, and shined the laser under them with the other. "Its 10:31" he said. The tourist was dumbfound. How could the fellow tell time this way? "Are you sure" the tourist said. The fellow then repeated the process lifting the balls with one hand while shining the laser with the other. "Cee, its 10:32". This was more than the tourist could take so he asked the fellow "how can you tell time this way? The fellow said "first you lift the balls, then you shine the laser at the clock over there.