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Old 04-28-2016, 01:15 AM #721
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The porcupine has it's pricks on the outside. -YouTube comment


-Alex


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Old 04-28-2016, 02:05 AM #722
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Sorry not a completely clean joke but I can't resist.

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

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Old 05-09-2016, 08:54 PM #723
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Old 05-09-2016, 11:09 PM #724
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Source: Funny Jokes | $10 Complaint Joke | Comedy Central

A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"



-Alex
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Old 05-10-2016, 02:11 AM #725
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Did ya hear about the blind skunk that fell in love with a fart?
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Old 06-02-2016, 10:55 PM #726
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:15 PM #727
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

You know what my grandfather said right before he kicked the bucket?.. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket.
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Old 06-02-2016, 11:22 PM #728
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hap View Post
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The porcupine has it's pricks on the outside. -YouTube comment


-Alex

Lmao I would rep but It won't let me
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:21 AM #729
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Actually that's a function of the forum script not working properly. If you put a sufficient number of smilies next to each other spacing is thrown off. Given all the time you spend here, you'd think you'd have learned that by now. Guess not. What's the saying? There's no cure for stupid... :crac kup:: crackup::crack up::c rackup::cracku p::cr ackup::crackup ::cra ckup: :crac kup:
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Old 06-03-2016, 05:28 AM #730
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Only visualgreen "crazyjay" would be so quick to judge and point fingers, he just sent me two PM's asking for anal s...
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Old 06-03-2016, 06:02 AM #731
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richie89 View Post
Lmao I would rep but It won't let me
You are welcome!

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Old 06-03-2016, 06:47 AM #732
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Default Re: Jokes thread!



Asian father joke

-Alex
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Last edited by Hap; 06-03-2016 at 06:47 AM.
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Old 06-13-2016, 06:36 AM #733
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Default Re: Jokes thread!





-Alex
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Old 06-16-2016, 03:18 AM #734
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Three nuns die in a car crash and they stand in front of Saint Peter.

Saint Peter says "before I can let you into heaven I have to ask you one question each. If you get it right, you may enter."

The first nun goes up.
Saint Peter asks "who was the first man on earth?"
The nun says "Adam." Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."

The second nun goes up.
Saint Peter asks "who was the first woman on earth?"
The nun says "Eve." Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."

The third nun stands up.
Saint Peter says "now you are the head nun so your question is a bit harder."
What did eve say when she first saw Adam?
The head nun thinks and says "hmmmmm, that is a hard one."
Saint Peter says "that is correct, you may enter."
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Old 06-16-2016, 02:23 PM #735
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Stop me if you've heard this.

Trump & Clinton are in a boat,
The boat capsizes putting both in the water,

Who survives?

(answer later today)

We have a winner! ding.ding.ding.

Congrats Dr_Evil. No prize though, only a 'tip of the hat'.

Last edited by Zathras; 06-16-2016 at 05:10 PM.
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Old 06-16-2016, 04:04 PM #736
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

The country does.
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645 to 660 - Z-bolt BTP-8E, jayrob C6 w/LOC
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