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Old 04-17-2014, 07:24 PM #497
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ped View Post
I heard a funny noise whilst in bed last night so I jumped up and did all the usual stuff - checked the front door, checked the windows, shot my girlfriend five times, checked the back door.

Turns out there was no one there!
Good one PED, your a sick puppy. :>)


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Old 04-17-2014, 07:26 PM #498
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Old 04-20-2014, 11:11 AM #499
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

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Old 04-22-2014, 06:05 PM #500
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Talking Re: Jokes thread!



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Old 04-23-2014, 12:57 PM #501
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

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Old 04-27-2014, 05:55 AM #502
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:03 PM #503
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

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PINK/ORANGE!
Thanks Jay! Thanks Drew! Thanks Larry! Thanks Glenn! Thanks Dave!

Pink - 500mW (white w/red , ok not till later)
Please don't dazzle aircraft! You wouldn't hit someone in the face normally would you?
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Old 04-27-2014, 05:20 PM #504
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Kinda explains the smile though, doesn't it?
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Old 04-27-2014, 08:02 PM #505
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Talking Re: Jokes thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by millirad View Post
I think "HE" is a girl actually.

When they noticed the outfit was on wrong, I wonder if they said "Oh Poo!"
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:27 PM #506
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Old 05-01-2014, 12:17 AM #507
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

I'm never going to be able to look at an empty bag of chips again without thinking about that.
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Old 05-01-2014, 02:18 AM #508
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Talking Re: Jokes thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr_Evil View Post
I'm never going to be able to look at an empty bag of chips again without thinking about that.
Or, that She's all that, and a bag of chips.....

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Old 05-02-2014, 03:47 AM #509
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

Why Teachers Drink!

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. *** can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U
(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
(Now we’re getting somewhere)


If these children are the future... we are doomed.
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Old 05-05-2014, 09:59 PM #510
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.''

''We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Old 05-06-2014, 02:07 PM #511
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

__________________
Greenie - 100mw in diy aluminum host
650nm - 260mw in MXDL host with brass heatsink
650nm - 325mw in stainless Raygun host. The dot is so bright it's
PINK/ORANGE!
Thanks Jay! Thanks Drew! Thanks Larry! Thanks Glenn! Thanks Dave!

Pink - 500mW (white w/red , ok not till later)
Please don't dazzle aircraft! You wouldn't hit someone in the face normally would you?
Home of the stainless RAYGUN !
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:54 PM #512
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Default Re: Jokes thread!

__________________
Greenie - 100mw in diy aluminum host
650nm - 260mw in MXDL host with brass heatsink
650nm - 325mw in stainless Raygun host. The dot is so bright it's
PINK/ORANGE!
Thanks Jay! Thanks Drew! Thanks Larry! Thanks Glenn! Thanks Dave!

Pink - 500mW (white w/red , ok not till later)
Please don't dazzle aircraft! You wouldn't hit someone in the face normally would you?
Home of the stainless RAYGUN !
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