Jokes thread!

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[millirad]

 

[Lazerbeak]

Are You A Real Pilot?

'An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

~ LB

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[SerpantSlayer]

"In other news: black man arrested for everything" :crackup:

 

[millirad]

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[Lazerbeak]

Lol, points for getting a Dune reference in there :crackup:

Dune Movie Trailer: Dune Reboot in 2014

~ LB

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

Incidentally Vaseline is also a proud supporter of the TSA :shhh:

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[daguin]

"So, how did the fight between you and your girlfriend end?"

"She came to me on her knees..."

"And what did she say?"

"She said: Come out from under the bed you freaking coward!"

 

[millirad]

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! ...
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed *** obsessed pig!"
She retorted indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our *** lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about ***?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell “Mississippi”

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[Lazerbeak]

Ah you beat me to it on the Alien comic

~ LB

 

[Dr_Evil]

I was :crackup: at some of those and :wtf: at a few of the others.

 

[ped]

I said to the wife,

"Why do you wear a bra when you've got nothing to put in it haha"

She replied "You wear boxers don't you?.."


Bitch.