Jokes thread!

[Lazerbeak]

Derp, that one took me a while too. I'm bad today.

~ LB

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."

Took me longer than I care to admit it, to get that one

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[Lazerbeak]

:crackup: "The Talk" :crackup: That's twisted!

~ LB

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

:crackup: "The Talk" :crackup: That's twisted!

~ LB

Luke: Joke's on you dad, I just made out with my sister :na:

 

[Lazerbeak]

~ LB

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

 

[Lazerbeak]

:crackup: It's "All Right" we have bigger problems :crackup:

~ LB

 

[gismo]

 

[Blaster]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. S
ince it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.



Peace,
dave

Great i laughed and laughed thx for the post

 

[Kookapeli]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop ??? ................... Dr Dre

 

[Lazerbeak]

Oh Kookapeli...

~ LB

 

[Kookapeli]

2 blokes on a train, one bloke had a bag and was moving. The other bloke asked
"what have ya got in the bag" "Rabbits" he replied The first bloke said " If I can guess how many rabbits you have in the bag can I have one ???" The other bloke said "If you can guess how many rabbits I have in my bag you can have them both"

 

[daguin]

The Rules Of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play normally, one club and two balls.

2. Play of course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the objective is to get the club in the hole while getting the balls as close to the hole without actually going in.

4. For most effective play , the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft for stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners have the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along at all times.

10. When a new course is being played, players should assure themselves that their match is properly scheduled. Other players have been known to become irate when they discover someone else is playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is ready for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarilyunder repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this ituation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission prior to attempting the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to speed up play at the course owners request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a particular course. Additional assessments are likely to be levied by the course owner, and the rules of play are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue playing several different courses.

 

[InfinitusEquitas]

The Rules Of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play normally, one club and two balls.

2. Play of course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the objective is to get the club in the hole while getting the balls as close to the hole without actually going in.*

4. For most effective play , the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft for stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners have the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along at all times.

10. When a new course is being played, players should assure themselves that their match is properly scheduled. Other players have been known to become irate when they discover someone else is playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is ready for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarilyunder repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this ituation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission prior to attempting the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to speed up play at the course owners request.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a particular course. Additional assessments are likely to be levied by the course owner, and the rules of play are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue playing several different courses.

* Players should seek alternative courses if both the club and balls fit within the course holes.

:crackup:

 

[InfinitusEquitas]