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ArcticMyst Security by Avery

Could I get your oppinion on story ? (LONG)

M

Mr.Why

Guest
Its kinda long but here it is:

The amusement Park.

- It was a cold morning in the biggest amusement park in the US, where The Superman standing 20 floors up, and wen put to 200-km per hour. When we got to the amusement park, it was 7:01 exactly. Cold, windy, foggy, I could feel the cold wind on my face, I had a bad feeling. I looked around and saw Simon, Greg, Mario, and Steve. They both had the same bad feeling like I did, I could tell by their faces. We all have different personalities, Simon is a guy who is very shy, Greg, is kind of a mommy's guy, he had everything he wanted, Mario is more like me, Steve, we both are strong, we are both in the gymnastic team, and we both like adventures.

- The day went fast, we rode lots of games. In the first game, the medusa, we saw a weird guy, all in black, tall, and he was covering his face. Then, we rode a few small games, and then, the big game. The Superman. The line was long, over 45 minutes, and all along we saw the same strange guy. The ride was great, but as we got out, Simon went missing. We looked for him for a long time for about 1-hour, and after a while we found him sitting on a corner crying. The first one to talk we me.
"What happened?" I said silently.
"The...the.... guy." He said shivering in terror.
"The weird guy in black ?" Mario asked while sitting slowly next to him, patting his back, trying to get him to calm down"
"Y...yes..... he got me, and he said [Why Me ??!!??] then he just punched me and left" Simon said slowly, very scared.
"Well, he cant tell us what to do, so lets just keep going our day, forget about that crazy guy" Greg said

- Our day kept on going like nothing had happened, although we kept seen that weird guy.
Night started falling. The sun set was beautiful, it was pink, and some kind of green, I heard that a green sun set means death is present. I didn't believe that, until later on tonight. There was an announcement on the microphone, saying
"Attention costumers, we will be closing in 5 minutes."
There was only one exit, and it was in the other side of the park. We started running, until we got there, and saw the gate closed, with a big lock on it.
"We're dead meat" Simon said
"Your positive spirit always helps Simon !" Mario said laphing.
We all chuckles, but simon had a serious face.
We just kept on walking around trying to figure out what to do. After talking a while we decided to spend the night here. As we looked around the park for a place to stay, we went to about 4 different places, and decided to just stay outdoors. It was cool, and we are just talking, while laying down, trying to sleep when a shadow passed by.
"He's back" Simon said
"Thanks again for the positive thinking" Greg said, but nobody laphed this time, we had all seen the shadow and were scared to death. We all tried to ignore it, but we new we had seen it.

- We started running as we saw him. We all ran together, as a group, we ran and ran and ran, until our lungs almost exploded, and when we looked at each other, greg was missing. I (simon) wet my lips, they tasted like suet, salt, and something like cotton candy I had earlier. We sat down and tough about what we would do. We tough about calling the cops, but we had no cell phones. So we decided to split up, and try to find each other in the morning, try to find greg.

- "There it is again" Simon shouted.
"Run ! " Mario screamed !
We all started running in different directions, in the dark cold, foggy night, as I ran, (Simon) I started getting tired, I didn't if the guy was behind me, or behind some ells, but I just kept running until I hit the fun house, the one with lots of mirrors. I went it, and got lost, there was only 1 main light on, so it was dark. I sat down, caching my breath, when I heard foot steps. I was-everywhere sitting, trying to hide, but with all the mirrors, anyone could see my across the room. I heard a gun get loaded, that sound, of a bullet been put into the gun. I shouted !
"What have you done with greg !" I shouted, it echoed in the room.
He shot the gun, but it was just a mirror, not me. I saw him everywhere I looked, I couldn't tell who was the real one, or who was the reflection on the mirror.
"He is fine, for now" He said, and then laphed evilly, like in the movies, you now, kind of a Muahahaha !!
I didn't responded, I was too scared, as he kept on walking, and shooting mirrors, I kept on moving, and then - I found him, the real him, not just a reflection.
"Im going to grab him, and wont let go" I thought to myself
I jumped garbed him from the neck, he got out, and punched me a few times, he kicked me, and was about to shot me, when I jumped at him and just started tighting all my muscles where on him, squishing him, killing him, his laph went to a cry, then to a dead silent, and finally, I heard a crak. I had broken his neck. I let go of him, and looked down at him.
"I really did kill him" I said silently to my self. I looked at my hands, and saw some blood, I looked at my shirt, and saw blood, I looked down, and saw blood. The craking sound just kept echoing in my head. I saw his hand, and he had a cell phone in one hand, and his gun on the other one. I opened his hand, and saw the phone. It was open to a text message. I read it, it said:
Meth Llik.

- "Are you ok son" The police man said coming in.
"Uhhh.... Yes, but what happened, and where is greg?" I asked, with the craking noise still echoing in my head
"The security camera caught you killing that man, he is one of the top 10 wanted of the city. He broke out of jail, and was looking for some kids that had got him into jail, he was a little crazy, the man had already killed 5 kids thinking it was them. That text message is Kill Them backwards, his accomplice tells him to kill someone, thinking he is the one who got him into jail." said the police guy.
"Greg, your friend, is in the hospital, he was beaten like you by the same guy. You fainted right after you killed him, and read the text message, we better get you to the hospital, you look pretty bad" he added after a short silent.
I just fainted, and cant remember from there on, but what I can tell you, is that at the hospital, they told me I had one broken arm, and lots of other minor injuries. To this day I remember it perfectly the accomplice was found and is in jail. As for me and my friends, we had some pretty weird day, a great time, a horrible story, and a great story to tell.
 





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:eek:

Initially didn't realize it was a true story ! Glad everyone was ok. May I ask what park and the date this happened?!
 
M

Mr.Why

Guest
RobTheVIP said:
:eek:

Initially didn't realize it was a true story !  Glad everyone was ok.  May I ask what park and the date this happened?!

I just made it up, not true story, Lol

and cheif, that ride is real, it is called superman the last escape, and it is over 20 sotries tall, and goes over 200km per hr
 
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:eek:
Is that seriously a true story?
Wow...
When/where did it happen?

EDIT: LOL!!! wow. I got taken in ;) didn't see your post!
Anywho- it's good. there were some spelling and grammar issues though.
 
M

Mr.Why

Guest
Its for skool people !!! not real, not true !! I made it up
 
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oh lol. Good story! There are just a few spelling errors and mistakes here and there.
 
M

Mr.Why

Guest
Sawt al Hurriyah said:
[quote author=Chief-Eamonn link=1196392413/0#2 date=1196393390]who would wait 45 mins for a ride!?!  ;D



LOL, you wouldn't wait 45 mins for a sick ride, maybe A.D.D. is an issue.... ;) Actually wait, who am I to talk, I couldn't even concentrate long enough to read his whole story!  :-[ :p[/quote]

I spent like 2 hrs writing it, so read it !!! :mad:
 
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Sawt al Hurriyah said:
[quote author=Chief-Eamonn link=1196392413/0#2 date=1196393390]who would wait 45 mins for a ride!?!  ;D



LOL, you wouldn't wait 45 mins for a sick ride, maybe A.D.D. is an issue.... ;) Actually wait, who am I to talk, I couldn't even concentrate long enough to read his whole story!  :-[ :p[/quote]

lol me too i only got up to the 45 minute part but by then i already had a joke. :D
 
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jesus christ not funny i was terrified thinking it was true...

i got scared...
 
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Chief-Eamonn said:
[quote author=amkdeath link=1196392413/0#12 date=1196394911]jesus christ not funny i was terrified thinking it was true...

i got scared...


your all nuts  ;D[/quote]

i know man, I was freaking out, like WTF

BTW, my opinion on story:

Good, except:

They check the parks before locking gates, making sure noone inside. Make different reason why they got locked in, like they got lost in a gutter or something lol.

regards,

amk
 




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